


For What It's Worth

by rivaillevi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Child Neglect, Crossover, Depression, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-26 08:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivaillevi/pseuds/rivaillevi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is just your average 21 year old who hadn't seemed to mature just quite yet. He had to repeat his senior year in high school for the third time, and was one of those students who didn't seem to take anything in life seriously. One day, a try-hard transfer student is introduced into his life, and Levi finds himself undergoing a cascade of internal changes which he didn't exactly know what to make of...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some Levi PoV because who doesn’t love that short bastard (sorry if first person isn’t exactly your cup of tea, I just really enjoy writing as Levi, since I can connect to him so well). I actually got the original idea for this fic from the Taiwanese movie “You are the Apple of my Eye”, but I changed it up a bit so that it doesn’t really resemble the original plot (I hope…). And btw, it’s an AU fic, so of course you should expect them to go ooc. I decided to also switch up and play around with the character relationships a little just for the heck of it, so sorry if that idea made anyone uncomfortable.
> 
> **Special shout-out to shi-ho, and everyone who has encouraged me to post this publicly. I'm never confident about my work so, seriously, gold stars and hats off to you all, you're all beautiful and amazing<33

During those years, I was invincible. I was young and wild, racing through life reckless, spontaneous, and free of responsibility. The world was my playground. I did as I pleased in the heat of the moment, not caring about opinions other than my own, never taking anything seriously. I’d wake up at 7:30am, maybe later if I felt like sleeping in, got dressed in my school uniform, and ride my bike to school. I was, essentially, a 21 year old stuck in the perpetual mindset of a 12 year old kid.

I’d meet up with various people along the way to school whom of which I’d somehow managed to put up with. They’re the closest things to what I’d call friends, but even that term is far-fetched. I let them stick around though, since we all had one thing in common: we couldn’t give a rat’s ass about learning. We’d rather goof off and bend the rules, making it harder for teachers to effectively do their job. Reiner Braun would be the first one I’d ride by since he lived two streets down from where I was. We’ve known each other since he was practically in a stroller, but we never really got along until I had to repeat my senior year for the third time. I’d hit him as I pedaled past, snickering at the big ‘thunk’ his large, hollow cavity of a head would make upon impact.

“Fuck off, Levi,” he’d yell out after me as I rode on, provoking him to catch up to me if he could. He did eventually, since he was one of those big, broad shouldered, athletic guys, and we’d ride to school together, sticking out limbs when we felt like it, trying to throw off each other’s balance just for kicks.

Further down the road, we’d meet Connie Springer, who’d probably slept in, guzzling breakfast along the way. Connie was one of these guys who just couldn’t take anything seriously for even one bloody second. He would always either be doing these stupid acts he’d like to call his “magic shows”, which was really just a series of lame pranks that were meant to make you laugh but just made you want to punch him in the face instead, or making puns so often that it would make anyone wish that they could cauterize their ear holes shut just for the purposes of not being able to hear him speak again. He did have a couple of good ones now and again, though, so it wasn’t all insufferable spending time with him. And then there was Jean Kirschstein, resident asshole, who we’d meet at school. His usual greeting would be a toss of a basketball at my head, and a comment somewhere along the lines of “Are you paralyzed? Do you not know how to catch a goddamn ball?” He was such a ridiculously cocky person that we coined a nickname for him that everyone went by—‘Cockstein’— and the name stuck, much to his dismay. He’d usually start a conversation by showing off his limited edition basketball cards, and we'd stand around our lockers, showing off our stashes, arguing over which player was better, or begging to trade cards until we were told off by a hall monitor somewhere that it was time to go to class. 

That goddamn classroom was like a prison to me. I’d been stuck in this cage for two years going on three now. I’d managed not to care about my academics for a couple of years straight, letting my grades hit rock bottom, because I didn’t want to believe that grades were what defined intelligence, were what determined who was a failure and who wasn’t. I know I’m not a dumbass. I don’t need some stupid number to tell me that I’m not. Fuck institutionalization. So when I handed in almost every single assignment blank, or with answers so idiotic that it would’ve been better off handed in as blank, Principal Smith had a chat with my parents, explaining that if I don’t manage to pass all of my subjects after a third time repeating, I’d get the boot. He also pulled me aside, chastising me for my lack of effort, while throwing in the fact that ‘if it weren’t for him, I’d get a mediocre education and wind up on the streets somewhere’. Not that I really gave a shit, though. It was just his piss-poor attempt at trying to give me the impression that he’s an upstanding citizen. School was just a whorehouse for suck ups and teacher’s pets.  And since when was any of this shit useful anyways? For all I cared, I could find a job at a game design company and be a beta tester. I’d still make cash; who needs calculus to play games? I’d scoff at the scholars and poke fun at them, hoping that one day they’d realize how pathetic they actually were.

My victim that year was a kid so serious about everything that no one can ever hope to take him seriously. A brunet with this permanent fixture on his face that was meant to make him look determined and ambitious, but just made him look he was chronically constipated. The kind of look that phony adults would acknowledge and turn to their kids pointing out that ‘this boy has got a clear direction in life’. He had transferred in the middle of the first semester, and I had the misfortune of sitting behind him. He didn't have to do anything. His simple essence of being, his _presence_ in itself was irritating enough. The first time he sat down in front of me, I kicked the back of his seat before propping my feet up on his backrest, just to spite him in the heat of the moment. The look plastered on his face as he swiveled around, and the way his eyebrow twitched in a pathetic attempt to maintain his composure made me almost pity him for a split second.

“The fuck is your problem?”

That almost killed me. I somehow managed to keep a straight face and gave the chair another solid kick. “Nothing in particular,” I countered smoothly.

“What the _fuck_ man? You wanna fight??” He screamed, suddenly standing upright from his seat.

“Well _gee_ , I wonder what would happen if the new kid got into a fight on their first day of school,” I responded, feigning innocence in my voice for a sarcastic effect, and proceeded to flick the eraser dust off of my desk at him. The way he practically seethed with rage twisted out the sadist within me, and I silently made it a goal to make the rest of this brat’s school days a living hell. _What’s that determined look of yours doing for you now, fuck-face?_

“You’re a real jerk, you know,” Reiner leaned in to comment. I shrugged him off.

“Shut the fuck up. What, you forget to take a shit today?” I countered, boredom dripping in my voice.

“I’m just saying you could just leave him alone, it _is_ his first day after all.”

“I don’t really give a shit,” I continued, unfazed.

It wasn’t until attendance was taken that I learned of his name: Eren Jaeger. I figured I’d leave him alone for now, because despite his ridiculously laughable outburst, those mysterious aquamarine eyes were surprisingly pretty. No matter what nagging doubt that gnawed in the deep crevices of my mind, I’d refuse to admit that that was what threw me off of my antics. Besides, he would be the type of person that’d have the exact same reaction to everything I do.

Oh he was still just as annoying as ever; he still felt like a thorn stuck in my side since I had to listen to the mediocrities going on in his life that he tends to only ever want to talk about regularly. He seemed to only have two friends, a blond boy who looked like a classic sweater-wearing, calculator-loving nerd, and a tall, dark-haired girl who seemed to get away with the uniform regulation by wearing a red scarf around her neck all the time, both of which I wouldn’t have known existed had they not come up to Eren’s desk damn near every break or free period. And as if _that_ wasn’t enough, the entire class had to listen to the teachers dote over either him or the blond kid, Armin, on how they topped the class ranking for whatever test we recently had. They’d constantly be competing for first, and even I could tell that their ‘congratulations’ to each other had a resentful, competitive edge. Aiming for the top was all just a wild goose chase if you ask me, because there’s always the insecurity of being replaced. It made people like Eren and Armin look ridiculous for even bothering to try.

* * *

During one particularly insufferable history class with Mr. Zackly, who had the worst habit of being able to make practically everything seem like the least exciting thing in the world, I made what I would like to call the worst and best decision of my life.

Seeing as we were sitting in the back row, clearly not paying attention to the monotonous hum of Zackly’s voice, Cockstein had a proposal.

“Hey,” he leaned over and whispered across his desk space at me. Reiner and Connie leaned over from the other side of my desk to listen. “Since we’re all clearly falling asleep because of old man Zac’s shitty teaching, why don’t we do a _thing_?”

“What kinda shit are you spewing, Cockstein,” I whispered back through an exasperated sigh. Jean can literally make you feel exhilarating annoyance as soon as he even began to open his mouth, and I was in no mood to listen to him run it when I’d rather be enjoying a nice long nap through this class.

“Since Reiner keeps boasting that he could hold out as long as he wants when jerking off, I’m willing to place my bet that he’s just talking shit. SO…let’s do it.” He flashed us a shit-eating grin, and flicked out a Grant Hill 1 in 1000 limited edition card. My eyes almost bugged out of my sockets when I saw it.

“How the fuck did an asshole like you manage to get _that_ ,” I whispered fiercely.

“Because I’m fucking awesome,” he snapped before continuing. “Anyways, so if Reiner lasts longer than you do, Levi, then he wins the bet and I give him the card.”

“What’s in it for me?” I demanded. I didn’t do anything for anyone unless it provided me with some sort of benefit.

“You get to kill your boredom,” Cockstein simply said.

“Fine, I’ll do it.” _What did I have to lose, anyways?_

I flashed a challenging glare over at Reiner as I unzipped my fly, trying to think of the porn magazine I had read the previous night, willing myself into a growing erection. Jean gave a flick of his hand to indicate the ‘go’ signal, and we starting pumping, going at it as fast as we could, but not fast enough to begin the lead up to orgasm.

Connie, being the fucking prankster he was, decided to shoot a rubber band at Reiner’s groin, and he let out an involuntary groan of pleasure upon impact, causing Zackly to actually pause for a brief moment.

‘Reiner, if you’re going to be disruptive, stand up and read the next page.”

Reiner shifted in his seat uncomfortably, bowing his head down over the textbook, humiliation clouding his face.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Go on, stand up and read.”

I lost it right there, accidentally letting out a disgustingly loud snort of laughter. Much to my misfortune, the whole class heard, and Zackly decided to turn the tables on me.

“If you think this is so funny, Levi, why don’t you read to the class instead?”

I froze, realizing that I had no way out of this one.

I kept my head lowered as I mumbled into my textbook. “Napoleon rose quickly through the ranks of the French army. In 1792 he became a captain, and two years later-“

“Stand _up_ and read, if you will.”

“Now’s not really a convenient time…” I offered unhelpfully.

“I’m not giving you a choice here, you are testing my patience,” old man Zac said, a tone of warning slipping into his voice.

I sighed, and admitted defeat. Throwing every last bit of dignity that I had managed to retain out the window, I stood up with my pants hanging well below my ass and my family jewels proudly displayed in front of a class full of mortified kids. I side-glanced at Reiner, who was probably secretly thanking me for the distraction while desperately tugging his pants back on. Next thing I knew, I was dragged outside the classroom into the corridor, getting an earful from Principal Smith.

“Masturbating in class. Masturbating. IN CLASS.” His voice had a cutting edge of discipline coupled with a certain degree of anger in it that I had never heard before. And believe me, I’ve been taking shit from him since I had first enrolled in this school. “In all my years as an academic administrator, I have never encountered anything as outrageous as this. I’ve seen students plagiarize, cheat, bully, beat each other up, even smoke on school property. But nothing is as shameful as what you just did in there. This really is the first time I’d ever seen a student stoop down so low.”

“Would’ve gotten away with it too, and then you wouldn’t have had to see it anyways,” I mumbled under my breath, realizing that I was treading on thin ice, but still not really able to give enough fucks.

“You just earned yourself a full semester’s worth of detention. I hope you realize that I don’t like to do this, Levi. I know you have a lot of potential, and it simply makes me angry to see you throw it all away.”

_Bullshit. You just want me to graduate so I’d be out of your hair for good._

“You would’ve sent me in there sooner or later anyways,” I retorted. He simply ignored me, and turned to walk back into the classroom.

“Jaeger, come here for a minute,” Principal Smith instructed, and Eren practically trotted over like a loyal puppy. The sight was almost sickening. “You’re an obedient student that gets excellent grades. I want you to sit behind Levi, keep an eye out on him, and maybe influence him to be more like you.”

Eren flinched, and simply nodded in compliance like the goody fucking two-shoes he was. I, on the other hand, felt white-hot rage searing throughout my body.

_Excuse me, what._

“You’re both dismissed. Now get back to class,” Principal Smith ordered.

I made sure that Eren saw me throw him the dirtiest look my facial muscles could possibly contort into before he turned and headed back inside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I finally start building up the character interaction, along with the plot after that first, turtle-paced chapter. I'm just going to say that I love portraying Levi and Eren's character dynamics as if they were on equal footing, because some hot-tempered, equally sarcastic Eren is pretty hot tbh. Bear with me, this relationship starts off as a slow and rocky one (since I want these two idiots to slowly fall for each other), but you'll get plenty of actual EreRi later on, I promise! 
> 
> I forgot to mention this in my previous note, but my writing style was inspired by "Catcher in the Rye", because I thought thug lyf Levi would be similar to Holden Caulfield (I reread the book for the 10th time, and it's still by far one of my favorite classics). So that was the basis of me writing in first person. Well here we go, have some sassy Levi and persistent Eren!

I sauntered back into the classroom leisurely with my hands in my pockets, making sure that I waited long enough to look as though I didn’t follow Eren back in, and ignored the multitude of contemptuous glares that were directed at me. My book bag, along with all my other stuff, had been dumped on Eren’s desk, and I reluctantly sat down at it, cringing at the thought that his germy ass had been on the seat just moments earlier.

“What shit luck I have to be sitting in such a shitty seat,” I whispered, just loud enough so that he would be able to hear me.

I could almost feel his glare bore right through my back, and felt another wave of irritation wash over me. _Well, at least I don't have to look at the back of that big stupid head anymore._ I’m not usually one to look on the positive side of things, but I felt like it was a necessity in this particular case, lest I lost my shit and ended up killing Eren in the process. I looked over to my right, and noticed that Reiner had also been moved one seat up. _Huh. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all._

The continuation of old man Zac’s yawn-worthy class dragged on, and much to my surprise, I actually managed to survive without doing anything unnecessarily stupid right up until the bell rang for morning break. I was about to get up and grab my bag to leave the classroom when I felt a sharp poke right in the middle of my back. I turned around slowly, feeling my eyebrows knit together into an ugly scowl.

“The fuck do you want,” I said, intending the phrase to be more of a threat than a question.

Eren withdrew a ballpoint pen from my back. “You’d better not goof around in front of me and drag me down with your stupidity. Unlike you, I have a future I have to work towards.”

“Just because you’re an honor student, it doesn’t mean that you get to boss people around, shit-dick.”

“Well, if _you_ stopped dicking around and actually studied, I wouldn’t have a reason to.”

“Oh yeah, Lord Eren, you’re _so_ great, you’re _so_ good at studying, you’re _such_ a smartass,” I retorted sarcastically, “Let’s all worship you since you know _everything_.”

I watched him triumphantly as he bit his lip from the frustration of not being able to come up with a remotely reasonable comeback. Taking advantage of the fact that I’d rendered him speechless, I turned and left the classroom so that I would actually be able enjoy my break, only to be stopped by red-scarf girl, the only one other than Armin who was willing to put up with Eren on a regular basis.

 _This is one of those days where just about everything goes wrong, isn’t it_ , I groaned internally.

She had just about the scariest expressions I had ever seen anyone wear, although that wasn’t even remotely enough to faze me. I stared at her unblinkingly, boredom plastered all over my face. “What do you want?”

“You’d better not cause Eren any trouble,” she warned me.

I rolled my eyes, and pretended to yawn. “You done? May I leave?”

“Just leave it, Mikasa. God, you don’t have to stick up for me all the time, I’m not 5,” Eren intervened, clearly embarrassed about the fact that a girl had to defend his pride, if he even had any to begin with. I suppressed a guffaw.

“Oh don’t worry. I won’t hurt your little boyfriend,” I mocked, attempting to push past them out the door, but feeling an iron grip on my left arm instead.

“I could fight you right now. Answer me, you _dwarf_ ,” ‘Mikasa’ growled.

If it was one thing I couldn’t tolerate, it was when people underestimate me. Being well below the average height, at a measly 160 centimeters to be precise, irked me to my very core. I had a monumentally enormous ego, which I liked to keep high above the clouds on its self-proclaimed pedestal. My height was a major setback to this, and had previously allowed other people to take advantage of me, so yes, of course it was probably one of the only things that I actually took dead seriously.

“You really don’t want to fucking go there, psycho bitch,” I countered in a dangerously low voice, before pulling my arm free. In the heat of the moment, I damn well could’ve almost hit the girl, but fortunately for her, the bell indicating third period rang, and I was forced to retreat back to my seat.

“You’d better keep the reins on your girlfriend, if you know what’s good for you,” I muttered over my shoulder at Eren darkly before sitting down, feeling the highest level of annoyance since I didn’t exactly get to enjoy my break.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s just a family friend…” he trailed off, flustered at my comment.

“Hmph, naturally. A geek like you wouldn’t be able to even have a healthy relationship with his _hand_ much less an actual girl.”

He kicked my chair at that comment. “ _You’re_ one to talk. Who just got caught publicly announcing that healthy relationship of yours to the entire class?”

I tossed one of my signature glares at him, expecting him to cower back into his seat, but he was surprisingly resilient. I tsk-ed and turned away from him, hating his righteousness and the smug smile that was spreading across his stupid face when he realized that he had won this round.

* * *

Although seating arrangements had changed, my stubbornness did not. I still refused to listen in class, and Reiner and I still goofed off despite what had happened to us recently. We were much more subtle about it though, knowing that if we pulled another prank of that caliber, it would probably result in our suspension. We’d often bring out a pack of traditional playing cards and play Big Two or Blackjack under the desk. It was almost always my win though, but it was still interesting to observe Reiner while we played, since he was so stupid that changing his tactical approach still wouldn’t do him any good. Figuring out his thought processes, no matter how limited they were, somehow intrigued me to a great extent. In general, I can figure people out very easily, but Reiner was one of those few people who can surprise me from time to time, only because he’d occasionally do or say something so goddamn ridiculous, that even I would question what on earth goes on behind that thick skull of his.

Eren, being the nosy piece of shit he was, would catch us dealing or showing off our cards to each other and kick me in the back of my seat multiple times. I’d flip him off over my shoulder in response, or shoot him a threatening scowl, which he’d gladly return. He stopped me after school one day, just when I was about to bolt out through the door to leave this prison of a classroom.

“Didn’t I tell you not to distract me during class with your constant horsing around?”

“It’s your own fault that you got distracted. Maybe if you paid more attention in class you wouldn’t give a damn about what I was doing. Besides, it's Cockstein who's got the horse face, tell him off instead,” I replied sarcastically.

He fumed at me silently, and I crossed my arms expectantly, waiting for him to turn and leave. He eventually did, precisely at the moment when Cockstein, Connie and Reiner came up to meet me.

“So…what’s the deal with you and the class gunner?” Cockstein prompted me, glancing after Eren suspiciously as he was walking away.

“Nothing. He’s a just like a bloody annoying mosquito buzzing around me all the time.”

“Yeah, he seems to like to stick his nose into other peoples’ business a lot. Boy, you and Reiner must have it tough since he kinda sits behind you both.”

“No kidding. He’s always kicking the ever-loving shit out of the back of Levi’s seat,” Reiner added.

“Aw come on, maybe if you guys weren’t such dicks by nature and just tried to make the guy laugh a little, he wouldn’t seem like such an asshole,” Connie suggested. “I already have a trick up my sleeve that I’m willing to test out-”

“Shut the fuck up, Connie, your dumb ass will only make things worse. He literally doesn’t have one funny bone in his body. That being said, he’s so spineless it’d be surprising if he had a fucking skeletal framework in the first place. Look, if all you fuck-heads were smart enough, you’d know better than to provoke him. Just shut up and leave it,” I cut them off icily. I shuddered at the thought that if we did anything to Eren, the one putting the blame on me would be his overbearing family friend with the surprisingly good arm. Of course I didn’t want to admit this to anyone out loud, and the irritated glower I was wearing was more than enough to have them never bring up the topic again, or question my intentions.

* * *

Old man Zac came to class one day, and announced that we were to do a group presentation on whatever history unit we were learning at that time. I personally  _loved_  group projects, but for all the wrong reasons. They provided me with the opportunity to take credit for work that I had not even bothered to participate in, much less care to learn about. I’d let the gunners do everything since they were so goddamn meticulous about how every tiny percentage could affect their GPA, and I could wing it during presentations and get away with looking as though I actually did my share of the work. Bullshitting was one of my fortes, and I consistently used it to my advantage. The best part of it was that the teachers actually bought it. I could literally talk about nothing for paragraphs in, and they’d think I was absolutely phenomenal. That’s the education system for you. It doesn’t matter whether or not you were making any justifiable sense, as long as you were doing things their way, they’ll shower you with high numbers and baseless compliments. Unfortunately, things don’t tend to swing my way when it comes to tests or dictations simply because I couldn’t make shit up on the spot, and I couldn’t be bothered to learn any of the mountain of useless information that was constantly being pelted at us. 

As per Principal Smith’s request, Zackly paired me up with Eren, much to both of our dismay. The idea of working with Eren didn't settle too well with me, until I realized that I wouldn’t have to. Who said I was going to do anything? I’d just let him do whole project by himself; this would be a piece of cake on my part. I had just accepted the fact as it came, when Eren obnoxiously slapped what appeared to be a laundry list on my desk before I even had a chance to get my ass up out of the classroom for break.

“The fuck is this?”

“That’s a list of things I’m assigning you to do for our presentation,” he answered me primly.

I met his eyes with a challenging glare. “You seriously don’t think I’ll be going along with this, do you?” I scoffed.

“It’s called a _group_ presentation for a reason, asshole. Well I guess you wouldn’t understand that seeing as your brain is probably still in its earliest stages of development.”

I simply blinked, staring at him unwaveringly with a blank expression on my face. “And you expect me to be offended with that sorry excuse of an insult? In any case, I’m still not doing it. So can I leave now, or shall I piss all over your fucking list since you won't let me take a leak?” I replied breezily.

“Look. I’m only going to do my fair share of the work. Don’t expect me to do a single fucking thing on your behalf, copout.”

“Fine by me. Wouldn't that just make _you_ look bad though? Imagine it, Eren Jaeger, the nerd, the honor student, standing up in front of old man Zac and the rest of the class, with an incomplete presentation and a shitty grade for measure. Wouldn’t that be a fatal blow to your oh-so-precious GPA? I, on the other hand, have absolutely nothing to lose.” I smirked, amused that his mouth was hanging open in utter disbelief. “Next time, do yourself a favor and think before you even try to force your goddamn idiotic righteousness on others. That is, if you even _have_ a functioning brain.” I turned, and was just about to stalk away before he could tick me off further, when I felt a familiar sharp stab in the middle of my back.

“Just _what_ is your problem? Do you never know when to shut the fuck up and leave things as they are, you obstinate piece of shit? And why are you poking me with your fucking ballpoint pen, do you want me to give you my laundry bill?” I hissed.

He finally blanched, confusion tugging at his features when he heard my voice rise above its usual dismissive monotone, and an element of fear slightly wavering in his eyes. “I-I-I was just giving you my opinion on how your selfishness is affecting–“

“Well you know what, Eren? The greatest thing about opinions is that they’re like assholes: _everyone has their own._ So don't try to force yours on me, you fucking _brat_ ,” I spat bitterly and sped off out the door before he could open his stupid fat mouth and utter another syllable.

I slowed my tracks and was struck with the strangest epiphany. _Did I just basically tell the brat not to force his asshole on me…? What the fuck am I on?_ I brushed away the weird thought before I had time to thoroughly process it, choosing instead to focus on making my way down to the basketball court. I spent my break shooting hoops with Reiner and co., trying to keep my mind off of the fact that I momentarily broke my composure in front of Eren. Thankfully, twenty minutes of physical exercise had calmed me down sufficiently enough, and I returned back to class as the bell rang in a surprisingly satisfied disposition. As I was walking over to my desk, I saw that Eren was already sitting down in his, eyes downcast and looking rather disappointed…or was he upset? I tried to shake off a pang of guilt, and sat down, pretending not to notice that he was almost petrified at the very sight of me.

* * *

Weeks passed, and I had still refused to do any of the work that Eren assigned to me. He kept silent about it though, and mumbled something about how he’d get it done by himself when I eventually gathered up the nerve to casually mention the presentation to him. He still casted me shit-eating glares, and interrupted Reiner and I when we weren’t paying attention, which obviously still annoyed me to no end. Any shred of sympathy that I had ever felt for him flew right out the window when he started acting like his usual, detestable self again.

I thought that it would make the rest of my days at this hellhole of an institution somewhat more enjoyable if I ever saw Eren Jaeger trip and fall on his ass, crushed because his perfect scholarly record would be tainted, never again to be restored to its former glory. It’s amazing how things almost always sound perfect in theory, but never seem to go according to plan when put into action.

One day, our English teacher, Ms. Brenzska, showed up to class in the worst possible mood, wearing the most deadly scowl that we had ever seen on her so far. We all just assumed that either her hormones were all fucked up from going through menopause, or that her cat had died. She stormed in, and set a stack of papers heavily on the teacher’s desk, indicating that class had started. As silence settled down over the classroom, I heard a distinct shuffle of papers and books behind me, and through my peripheral vision, I could see Eren desperately digging in his book bag, probably searching for his copy of Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, the thick-ass Russian novel that we were studying in class. Ms. Brenzska glanced over at Eren suspiciously, and I smirked at the thought of the class honor student getting a detention for not being prepared for the lesson.

“Those of you who have failed to gather all your materials for the class, stand up,” Ms. Brenzka said. I heard his chair slide across the floor as he readied himself to stand up and face utter humiliation. It was then and there that I had to feel another unnecessary pang of guilt. I didn’t know what exactly possessed me to reach back and place my copy of the book on his desk, but there I was, standing in front of the entire class, owning up to something that I hadn’t even done. _Well he’s helping me out by doing the entire goddamn history project for me. It’s the least I could do…right?_ I thought, attempting to justify my actions pathetically.

Ms. Brenzska shot me a frown that was mixed with irritation and scorn. I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for a string of rebukes that would soon follow.

“Levi. We’ve already gone through two thirds of this semester, and you don’t even bother to bring the book we’ve been studying for the past month. Why do you even bother coming to school? To eat lunch?” she started, her voice beginning to crescendo with each spoken sentence.

“Well lunch is essential. Of course I have to eat it,” I responded, and damn near kicked myself in the shin. I was never really tactical when it came to the backtalk department, since I’d always call out on people’s stupidity regardless of the situation I was in. Of course, things always turn ugly when I decide to be a smartass.

“You think you’re funny, huh. Have you no shame? If you’re not even serious about coming prepared to class, don’t even come at all. Leave this classroom immediately! In addition to that, I'll be sending you off to detention for the rest of the year!” She was yelling now, singling me out in front of the entire class and taking whatever was pissing her off out on me. I simply looked at her in the disinterested way that I always did, and rolled my eyes before walking out of the room.

 _Good. I didn’t want to be in that shitty class listening to your boring-ass lecture anyways._ I sneered as I turned heel and started heading out towards the school library to kill some time, subtly flipping Ms. Brenska the bird as soon as I had stepped out into the hallway.

As I walked by, I noticed Eren looking through the classroom window at me, guilt written all over his face. I quickly turned away from him, simply because I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, and the fact that his expression further amplified my annoyance, since all he was doing was increasing the confusion I was already feeling. I made it a point to occupy myself enough to distract me from the thought of Eren Jaeger for even just a little while, and picked up a copy of Crime and Punishment from the school archive. Despite how much I hated being in school and learning, I actually found this one particular novel we’re studying right now very interesting, only because the main characters’ thoughts were in tandem with mine. It revolves around some poor educated guy who goes on about how doing illegal things and committing crimes can be justified if it had an overall benefit. Sure it may be more or less 600 pages of shooting the bull, but the underlying implications are pretty clear, even for a straight-F student like me. Why couldn’t we go against the rules if it proved to have some sort of merit? As far as I was concerned, going against the flow of the world has done me more good than harm.

I was jolted back out of my train of thought when a sudden dark shadow disrupted my lighting and I was forced to look up and direct a scowl at whoever was standing in my way. Who else could it have been other than that nosy bastard?

“Funny seeing someone like you step into a library,” Eren commented.

“You literally don’t know when to fucking leave, do you?”

He ignored me, and continued. “I see you’re reading Crime and Punishment. So you do actually study. I wonder, do you just cover up the fact that you get shit grades by making it seem like your piss-poor effort is to blame?”

“Fuck off. Why are you even here?” I snapped.

He sighed. “Look, all I wanted to do was say thanks. For earlier.”

“It’s nothing. Like I’ve said to you before, I have nothing to lose anyways.”

“Thank you,” he repeated, in that exhilaratingly annoying mumble of his when he gets flustered or embarrassed. He should’ve ended it right there and left it at that. But if there’s one thing I had learned about Eren Jaeger, it was that he didn’t know when to shut his fucking mouth hole. “Why do you choose not to study or take life seriously?” He flinched when I shot him a poisonous look and desperately tried to save his hind with a follow up of, “I mean I’m not trying to get you to _do_ anything, I’m just…curious.”

I chose to avoid the question, and tossed the book at a nearby workspace before walking towards the library exit.

“Sometimes, I feel really sorry for dumbasses like you,” Eren called out after me, and I paused mid-step to swivel around.

“The fuck did you just call me?”

“I called you a dumbass.” He was being surprisingly grounded for the first time in a while. “Problem? What else would explain your horrendous GPA and your refusal to study?”

“For your information, I couldn’t give two shits about a fucking _GPA_ , but if I did give a shit, I’d be fucking Einstein level genius. I’m just scared that your reputation would be shattered when I do better than you, that’s all,” I shot back, frustrated at the fact that he just wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Well I’d say that even if you did care, you still probably wouldn’t even be able to get a half decent GPA. But…since you did help me out earlier, maybe I’ll help you too. You definitely need it.”

“Look, I’m not fucking stupid. Since you think you’re always right, why don't we bet on it? Let’s see who’ll get the higher grades for midterms.”

“Like hell we will,” he scoffed.

“What? Scared that I’ll actually kick your ass?”

He shot me a contemptuous glare, and by my calculations, I had probably just hit him right in his pride. Bull’s-eye. “Fine. What are we betting on?”

“Hair. Whoever loses will have to shave off half of their head.” The thought of Eren walking in to class one day with one part of his mop of messy brown hair cut clean near his scalp just about almost had me writhing on the floor with laughter right then and there, and I silently praised myself for being able to come up with something so brilliantly ridiculous.

His mouth gaped open incredulously, and I almost felt inclined to knock his jaw back shut. “You’re shitting me.”

“Oh, but I’m not. Come on, I had to set the stakes high, otherwise you wouldn’t fucking take me seriously.”

Of course he gave in. His pride was just about as important to him as getting in the 90s range for every single test he took. I snickered under my breath as he gave me an indignant glare, which eventually dissolved into a cocky smile. “Alright. Sure. Fine. I’ll go along with your juvenile game. But since it’ll probably be my win by default, I’ll still help you out with your studying. Not that it’ll make much of a difference anyways.”

I glowered at him and walked away. _I’m going to win that bet and wipe the floor with Jaeger’s ass_ was my final thought before I exited the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some cheery, good-natured Jean Horsestein jokes for you all. Levi takes Eren to the park and....things start to get a little more interesting!

I made the mistake of coming to school a little earlier than usual the next morning. I had no idea what brought on this sudden change, but I kept running it over and over again in my mind that it was probably just an anomaly, and had absolutely nothing to do with the bet I had made with Eren.

Whatever ghost that had possessed me jolted me awake almost two hours earlier than I’d normally leave for class, and I groggily stumbled down the stairs, damn near almost rolling off of them in the process. I’m generally not a morning person, but today was different, today was weird, today I felt as though I had just hiked through hell and back. Thankfully, either no one had woken up yet, or the house was just empty, and I stepped into the old, rusty kitchen that I grew to hate and scavenged for scraps that would be my breakfast. Eventually I grew so restless from just being in the goddamn house that I decided to go to school early instead. I made sure that I pedaled as slowly as I possibly could along the way, distracting myself with the blur of neighborhood scenery and the music I was playing on my iPod at full blast.

I still had about forty-five minutes or so to kill when I had arrived on school grounds. Having nothing else better to do, and still refusing to step within centimeters of the school building, I stayed by where the bikes were parked, and started cleaning my bike up with these shitty drug store branded alcohol wipes. They smelled awful, but at least they still got the job done. I was halfway done with disinfecting the body of my bike when I felt the sharp prick of a ballpoint pen right between my shoulder blades.

“What is it, Jaeger,” I sighed exasperatingly before I even started to turn around and yank my ear buds out. I’ve gotten to the point where I had to reluctantly accept the fact that I was never going to get rid of him. Since all he did was sap my energy and raise my blood pressure, it would have been better for my general well being to just let him be his irritating self without feeling the constant urge to kick the absolute shit out of him, anyways.

“Here.” He handed me a neat stack of notebook paper that was carefully stapled together.

I raised an eyebrow at him, trying to look as unimpressed as I possibly could. “Oh how nice, a gift made out of love.”

“It’s a mock test I made for you. Figured that it could be a start to see how much you know. Which is probably close to nothing.”

“Is it your calling in life to be a complete dick?” I replied testily.

“What? No! I’m genuinely trying to help you out here.” He paused and bit his lip, and judging by the flicker of emotions that broke across his face, I could tell that he was contemplating whether or not it was a good idea to open his mouth again. Clearly, he made the wrong decision. “I’d just rather compete with you on equal footing. Or close to it, at least. Right now, you’re not really giving me much of a competition.”

“I’m just about as good as you are, quit being such an arrogant piece of shit.”

“Well, your grades say otherwise, Mr. Einstein-level-genius.”

“Hey, Einstein had shit grades as a kid. So following that logic, if you even have any to begin with, that would make _me_ a genius too.”

He snorted, and then doubled up with laughter, clutching his stomach and wiping the tears that were beading off of his lashes. I watched him, silently fuming at the fact that he was actually daring to laugh at me in broad daylight.

“You making _fun_ of me, brat?”

“Oh God. Oh my God no, I…I just…I’m so sorry but that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone say,” he wheezed.

“Fine, I’ll answer one of your stupid questions to prove that I don’t need your pity-ridden tutoring,” I growled, enraged that he was belittling me, and snatched the mock test out of his still extended hand.

“Let f of x equal one over one plus x squared. Find the equation of the horizontal asymptote…” I paused. “You deliberately made this fucking impossible didn’t you?”

“You’re joking. These are literally the easiest questions I could find out of the available past papers.”

“What on earth are you suggesting?” I asked, feeling my anger almost overflowing.

“That you go through the basics from the beginning of the semester, and let me help you with your studies before you even _try_ to start acting like you could possibly beat me in your current condition.”

I sighed, and shoved the test into my book bag. It usually took a lot of goddamn mental exertion to win arguments against Eren since he was such a persistent little shit, and I just couldn’t care to invest my time or energy on it today. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll do your stupid worksheets.” I turned away and shoved my ear buds back in, hoping that he would take the hint and leave me alone. Whether or not he was just pretending to be oblivious was beyond me, but I felt another sharp prod at my back and got up as fast as humanly possible to grab him by the collar and slam him against a nearby pole. “Alright, you little shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you get a perverted sense of pleasure by leaving ink marks all over my fucking uniform? Does it _satisfy_ you to some degree to get my shit dirty? Contrary to popular belief, I actually do take cleanliness seriously, and you’re doing an absolutely brilliant job at racking up the amount of money I’d usually spend on laundry detergent. I already have a bluish stain on my other shirt which I can’t seem to get rid of.”

“Sorry, I-I just a-assumed that y-you don’t like people touching you so I-“

“Listen, Jaeger, quit jumping to conclusions all the time. Unlike your fucking test questions, people aren’t predictable; you can’t use your fucking math formulae to figure them out. Stop assuming, you’re only making a complete ass out of yourself,” I snapped.

He looked away from me, and an apologetic expression contorted his features. “I’m sorry. I just don’t _want_ to look down on you, to be honest. I know that you’re better than this ridiculous image that you set up for yourself,” he mumbled.

I flinched and released Eren from my iron grip, feeling my eyes widen slightly in subtle surprise.

 _Why the fuck should you even care?_ Somehow, I couldn’t really form the words in my mouth, on the account that I had been stunned into silence.

He cleared his throat and waved a blue notebook at me, avoiding my eyes all the while. “Here, have some of my notes. If you do the questions I gave you and read through these, you might just scrape a 50% on the next test we have.”

“Oh, what, just 50? Whatever happened to this ‘equal footing’ bullshit you were going on about earlier?”

“I never said that getting good grades was going to be a walk in the park.”

“That’s hard to believe, coming from you,” I retorted.

He sighed, and looked almost annoyed at the fact that he had to keep explaining himself. “Look, I’m not _intelligent_ , man. I’ve accepted that fact. Unlike Armin, I wasn’t born a gifted brainiac. I do have something else, though, and that’s _drive_. I just try my best at everything I do. It’s raw determination and perseverance that gets me to where I am.”

I took the notebook from his hands, and gave a slight, awkward nod of acknowledgement, seeing as I wasn’t really able to come up with a smartass comment, or anything slightly intelligible to say back to him for once. He took my silence as a cue to finally leave me alone to contemplate the whirlwind of confusion that he had left me with. _Well, today’s turning out to be fucking fantastic. It’s just one shitty thing after another isn’t it_ , I thought bitterly, before turning back to my bike and exhausting the last of my alcohol wipes.

I must have lost track of time because when my bike was clean enough to meet my compulsive standards and I decided to head off towards the school building, the bell had apparently already rung. I strolled into the classroom, almost inviting the entire class to stare in my direction and meet my disinterested gaze. Mr. Pixis, our homeroom teacher, had long since given up on the hope that I’d ever attempt to show up to class on time, and chose to ignore me like he always did while I took my time in sitting down.

Reiner casually tossed a slip of ripped notebook paper on my desk. I sighed irritably and rolled my eyes as I unfolded the note. Christ, the boy’s handwriting was so damn terrible that I was shocked that he even had sufficient motor skills to play on the football team.

_Where you been? Cockstein got a haircut and it looks fuckin terrible you missed out man, me and Connie were laughing the whole morning. We thought you were skiving._

_Was busy taking a massive dump. Really what’s it look like_ , I wrote back, picturing every kind of ridiculous ‘do that Jean could have possibly had the misfortune of wearing.

_He looks like one of those stable ponies with the buzz cuts. It’s fucking hilarious since he already has a horse face, though I highly doubt anyone wants to ride THAT._

I snickered under my breath and tossed the scrap of paper back at Reiner, when I felt something hit the back of my head. Said thing had fallen on my chair and I reached behind me to pick it up. I unfolded the note and sighed audibly.

_I thought you were going to make an effort to win this bet? That includes actually paying attention to lessons. – Eren_

I turned my head to side-glance at him, irked that my original plan to sleep through first period had been thwarted by his compulsive need to parent me.

 _Do you have shit for brains? Have I ever agreed to listen in class? I only said that I’d do your dumb test to shut you up. And don’t go around throwing scrap pieces of paper at me, it’s unnecessary and unhygienic_ , I scribbled, then slapped the piece of paper on his desk.

An excruciatingly long two hours passed, most of which involved me nodding off, only to be jolted awake again from time to time at random by Eren’s rhythmic kicking at the back of my seat. Somehow, it was easier for me to tune him out today.

At my mercy, the bell for break finally rang, and I graciously stretched out of my seat, turning around to catch sight of Cockstein. I must’ve put on a pretty incredulous look for someone who constantly had a blank expression on their face, because Reiner and Connie had already begun clutching their sides and leaning over with laughter just seconds after I had caught sight of Cockstein. His hair had been cut clean in a buzz cut too long to be a military-cut, but short enough so that it accentuated his long face and made his ears stick out funny. He really did resemble more like a horse.

Cockstein strode over angrily as soon as he caught sight of my amused smirk. “Shut the _fuck_ up, Levi, and wipe that grin off of your face.”

I snorted and tried to keep a straight face. “I didn't even say anything yet, shit-dick. In all honesty though, the haircut suits you. It really…. elongates your face and brings out your features.”

“You’re all assholes. I didn’t have a choice alright, my ma made me cut my hair because apparently I was looking ‘sloppy’. The woman would’ve cut my _head_ off instead if I said no. And fuck you all, I don’t have a horse face.”

“Aw you don’t have to be _bridled_ at our jokes, we’re just _horsing_ around,” Connie taunted in between bouts of laughter, to which Cockstein responded with a threatening scowl.

“Hey c’mon guys, cut him some slack, he’s _champing at the bit_ to punch you all in the face.”

It took all four of us a beat to register the fact that none of us had said anything. We turned our heads slowly to see that Eren had somehow decided that it was appropriate to station himself next to me.

"Dude, why are you even here. That wasn’t funny,” Reiner commented, slightly annoyed that Eren had killed the rhythm of our good-natured banter.

“Levi laughed!” He protested.

“I didn’t laugh. I winced. Your humor causes me physical pain.”

“Oh, c’mon I just wanted to chill with you guys,” He looked at me expectantly with a slight flicker in his eyes posing an unspoken threat, as if I didn’t have the right to oppose him. Frankly, I was so fed up with his stubbornness, and didn’t really care to start another argument with him. I moved to pick up the basketball that Cockstein constantly carried, and headed down towards the basketball courts without a word or gesture of acknowledgement in Eren’s direction.

We played half court 2v2 like we always did, but I found it almost embarrassingly easy to steal the ball from Cockstein today. Embarrassing on his behalf, considering the fact that he was the captain of the basketball team. After my fourth layup in a row, I walked up to him, slighty offended that he wasn’t playing seriously.

“You constipated or something? What’s with all these shitty plays?” I asked, throwing the ball hard at his chest. He caught it, and began to roll it around on the palms of his hands, tracing the ribs with the fleshy part of his thumb.

“Nah, I was just wondering…what’s up with you and Jaeger?”

I felt my facial muscles tense and my expression sour. “Can I not get through _one_ fucking day without the presence or mention of that shitwad?”

“No I’m just…he’s always constantly looking at you and disturbing you, and now he wants to hang out with us. Does he…y’know…swing that way? Do…do… _you_?” he asked uncertainly. I simply stared at him in open disbelief.

“Are you even hearing the stream of diarrhea that your mouth just shat out? As I’ve said before, Eren Jaeger is just a thorn in my side, one I can’t get rid of, alright? Can we just leave it at that?”

“To be fair, we’ve seen you talk to him a lot recently. Levi, you don’t talk to _anyone_ other than us, it’s not like you. Plus, you’re not exactly one to leave things as they are if they piss you off,” Connie added unhelpfully.

I massaged the side of my head to ease a dull ache that was slowly getting worse. “Jesus fucking Christ…I just made a goddamn stupid bet with him alright? Shall we go and have a little gossip session in the library, or can we get back to playing our fucking game?”

“No shit, you made a bet? What is it?” Cockstein asked, holding the ball well out of arm’s reach over his head away from me when I tried to grab for it. I roundhouse kicked him in the shin, infuriated that he dared to use my height to his advantage. “That was uncalled for, fuck-face,” I spat.

“What? I just wanted to know!”

“Oh yeah, because _that’s_ your mission in life.”

“C’mon just tell us what it is!” Connie and Reiner chimed in like the damn annoying comedic duo that they were.

“Tch. Why am I surrounded by nosy pricks wherever I go? He insulted my intelligence so I bet him that I’d score higher than he does on midterms. Whoever loses has to shave off half their head. Are we happy now? Can we play some fucking basketball?”

“Are you on crack? Have you been getting fixes in that park you constantly go to or what? There’s no way you could possibly beat that straight-A student,” Connie cried out.

“I’m glad that I have _so_ many fans that support me,” I retorted sarcastically, deciding that picking a hangnail off of my index finger was more engaging than the pointless conversation that we were having at that moment.

“You’re _so_ gonna lose that bet. Hey at least, _I_ won’t be the one with the bad haircut anymore,” Cockstein smirked.

I deadpanned him into silence, and simply wandered off without another word, hoping to alleviate the migraine that they were causing me.

* * *

The monotony of my daily school routine dragged on, part of which I escaped by killing some time in the infirmary, where I used my raging headache as an excuse to avoid human interaction for probably one of the best two hours I’ve spent that day. Fortunately, school ended quicker than I had anticipated and I practically sprinted over to where my bike was parked before anyone had the chance to approach me. I shoved my ear buds back into my ear canals and click-wheeled the volume on my iPod high enough to block out my surrounding environment, whilst drowning my thoughts out with Travis Barker’s heavenly pounding on the drums. I had just undone the safety lock and mounted my bike when I noticed that someone else had gotten on their bike beside me. I reluctantly looked up to see Eren sheepishly waving at me to get my attention.

“Fancy seeing you here, Sir-Stalks-A-Lot.”

“Wha-what? No I’m not stalking you!” he responded indignantly.

“Then why do you keep following me around like a love struck 12 year old girl? At this rate it looks as if you’d climb into my bathroom stall to watch me take a shit.”

“Am I not allowed to be friends with you?”

“As a matter of fact, I’d rather have you not. I only said that I'd go along with your tutoring, that doesn't exactly warrant automatic friendship, genius.”

He looked towards the ground, clearly dejected. “You’re right, I’ll leave you alone now. Um, make sure you finish and hand me your mock test first thing tomorrow morning.”

His expression struck a chord in me that I could only associate with pity, although it left a dull ache in my chest, and rendered me feeling wildly disoriented. It was at that very moment that I had begun to come to the understanding that I may just have a soft spot for the brat. He was different in a way that was almost admirable. He wasn’t scared of me, and was actually ballsy enough to shoot snarky comebacks at me. Of course I had no intention whatsoever of disclosing my epiphany publicly.

_Oh what the hell, it’s not like I had anything else better to do anyways._

I closed my eyes and tried to regain my bearings, only to surprise myself with the next words that came out of my mouth. “I don’t have any friends. But I guess I could add you to my mental list of acquaintances. Do what you want, I don’t really give a fuck whether or not you want to hang around me.”

“Really? Can we study together? I can help you with stuff that you don’t get.”

His genuinely surprised smile, and that warm, happy glow that he was emitting damn near almost fried my corneas, and I gave him a slight tilt of my head in reluctant approval, turning my head away from him as I did so.

“So, can I go over to your place?”

I froze. If there was one thing other than my height that I didn’t like to talk about, it was my family life. No one ever comes over to my place. I wouldn’t even dream of having them set foot anywhere near my neighborhood, save for Reiner, who lived in it. Even he knew better than to set foot near my front lawn.

“I wasn’t planning on going home. So no,” I answered.

“What, so are you suggesting that we study on the streets somewhere?”

“Wow that was a completely terrible attempt at sarcasm. You’re not good at it so stop trying, asswipe. I go to the park quite often, we can go be all romantic and shit there.”

“I-I don’t like you that way! Besides, I don’t even think _you_ of all people could ever possibly be romantic, much less get a date,” he protested.

“Remove head from sphincter, grow a brain, and then talk to me,” I scoffed, amazed that he took everything so goddamn seriously, and pedaled off without him. “I ain’t waiting for you if you can’t keep up, I’m not some fucking tour guide.”

He followed me soon after, and we rode in mutual, comfortable silence. For the first time, I was able to be around Eren without feeling as if I’d spontaneously suffer from a heart attack from the amount of stress that he caused me on a regular basis. I turned my head to subtly take a peak at him. Despite the fact that his brows were still furrowed into that disgustingly ambitious fixture that I hated so much, he looked content, and the slightest of smiles lifted the corners of his mouth.

We dismounted at the entrance of St. Maria Park and I led the way to a bench that I had claimed as my own through force of habit. It didn’t exactly have my name written on it, but staring down whoever sat on that bench was enough to have them scamper off, and people had probably grown to learn not to get in my way in the future. Not that many people frequented this run-down park, anyways.

“Alright, take out the stuff I gave you this morning,” Eren instructed.

I flung the notebook and mock test at him, and balanced my left ankle on my right knee, looking away from him and choosing instead to focus on the people who were walking by. It felt strange to be here with Eren. I was almost always alone in the park; it gave me a mode of temporary escape, a chance to collect my thoughts and think of nothing at the same time, and I wasn’t exactly sure whether or not I was willing to share the closest thing to a sanctuary that I had with this royal pain in the ass that I’ve had to deal with since the beginning of the semester. He went straight to going through and explaining the basics. Pretending to be interested in the words that were coming out of his mouth proved to be extremely difficult for me. When he probed me for acknowledgement, all I did was simply grunt, and attempt to look like I actually gave a rat’s ass about the stuff that he was talking about. He finally closed the book and I breathed an internal sigh of relief.

“You don’t have a clue about anything I just explained to you, right?”

“Wow, shitlord, I’ve been patiently listening to you run your mouth about fuckery that doesn’t even begin to make sense. Give me some credit here.”

He gave a slight nod in agreement, turned away, and blinked in confusion. “Yeah you’re right, I guess I set my standards too high. Just…do the test, and we’ll see how it goes then. I’ll make corrections for you tomorrow morning.”

I looked at him suspiciously, furrowing my brows to hide the confusion that threatened to take over my features. “You’re not being as difficult as I remember you to be. What, you finally got cured of your chronic constipation?”

“What?”

“Nah, I just always assumed that your behavior was a result of having a stick up your ass all the time,” I smirked. He didn’t say anything for a while, and we sat there quietly, not really knowing how to break the silence.

“You’re not a bad person, Levi,” he finally said softly.

My eyes widened in surprise, and the clouds chose to open up and let the sun peak through during that ridiculously corny movie-moment. Intermittent waves of sunlight washed over Eren, and for the first time, I observed his eyes in full detail. Beautiful wasn’t even enough to begin to describe them; the iridescent quality of those turquoise-green eyes took my breath away, and I watched his irises meld into a kaleidoscope of blue and green every time the light hit his face at a different angle. It was just about as mesmerizing as watching those shitty mood rings that primary school kids tend to bring to school to distract themselves with. It took me a while to realize that I was openly staring at him, and I harrumphed and reluctantly tore my eyes away from his face. All of a sudden, I felt fidgety, as if there were ants running up and down my legs and I had to keep squirming around. The awkward silence was almost painful to endure, so I got up off the bench. “Hey let’s go to the pond, I can’t stand sitting in this goddamn seat any longer.”

“Sure.”

We didn’t exchange words until we had arrived at the pond. It was littered with every breed of the avian variety there, and I felt my expression darken with annoyance. Picking up a rock from the ground, I hurled it at the nearest pigeon, hoping to hit a wing or a leg.

Eren glowered at me, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so hostile before. “What the _fuck_ is your problem? Don’t do that, asshat, the birds have never done anything to you.”

“What are you going to do, call the WWF?” I shot back.

“Don’t you ever think about anything other than yourself? It’s animal cruelty if you keep harassing them.”

I shrugged grandly and continued throwing shit at them. He grabbed my arm before I could chuck another rock at a rather fat looking duck that was sitting inches away from us on the pond.

“What do you have against them? Or are you just using this as a pathetic excuse to be rebellious or something?”

“Have you ever wondered why no one likes you? Why you only have two friends that put up with you? It’s because you’re so fucking persistent. You know, normal people make mistakes. And then they learn from them. That’s what makes us an _intelligent species_. So, following that line of logic and taking into account that you’ve never learned from the constant verbal abuse I pelt you with that I don’t like talking to you, you’re not that smart. In fact, I’m willing to bet that if your IQ was any 2 points higher, you’d be a pile of turd.”

“At least I don’t use every possible excuse to make the world believe that I’m a heartless asshole. And you’re still talking to me!”

I gritted my teeth and channeled every fiber of my being to hold myself back from landing a blow on Eren’s face.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just can’t figure you out sometimes. So why do you like throwing rocks at innocent animals?” He mumbled apologetically a few seconds later.

I paused for a second, actually thinking about what I wanted to say before running my mouth. “I’m okay with animals in general. I just can’t stand birds. First of all, they don’t have sphincters, so they piss and shit everywhere. It’s fucking disgusting and _dirty_. Second of all, they’re inconsiderate as hell, chirping at the ungodly hours of the morning, waking everyone up. Lastly, I hate the fact that they have wings. They can just up and leave whenever the fuck they want with their wings of freedom while I’m stuck here in this shitstain of a town, being tied down and constrained within these walls of rules and regulations. I hate the fact that they have the option of escape.”

I stopped myself before I accidentally disclosed any more information to him. The last thing I needed was Eren Jaeger to witness me when I’m most vulnerable, and use it against me for the rest of our senior year. I’d expected him to laugh at me, tell me that all I could do was spew shit that doesn't make any sense. Instead he looked straight at me with this pensive yet understanding expression that struck me right in my soul, if I even had one to begin with.

“What? Is there something on my face?” I shifted uncomfortably.

He smiled at me with a gentle expression that I would never have even thought that he could be capable of wearing. Even his eyebrows relaxed from its permanent frown. “Not even close. Hey listen, it’s getting late, and I should probably get back home before Mikasa starts yelling at me for staying out…”

“Wait. I thought you guys were childhood friends. So you actually do have a girlfr-”

“N-no! We didn't want to tell anyone at school since it’s pretty complicated, but she’s my foster sister. She lives with me, we’re practically related,” he cut me off. “Anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow. Remember to do that test, okay?”

I gave a short flick of my wrist that substituted a goodbye wave. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Later.”

He threw me a wide-set grin and violently waved back before doing a dorky half hop, half skip that turned into a sprint towards where our bikes were parked.

“Idiot,” I snorted under my breath.

I stuck around the park for a while longer, flipping over the pages of Eren’s notes for lack of anything else better to do. When I finally felt like going back home, twilight had already blanketed around me, and the park was mostly empty. I flipped the kickstand of my bike up, and headed out towards the main road, but all I could think about was how gentle Eren’s voice was when he said my name, how I didn’t think that anyone could have ever said my name that way, how it resonated with genuine sympathy and understanding. I rode home in silence, with the sound of Eren’s voice playing out like a broken record in my thoughts, and his almost contagious smile burning into the very depths of my memory. I was struck with the thought that I would never be able to get that image out of my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I beta'd this one myself, and I think I'll be doing so for the rest of this fic (due to the fact that my beta readers are busy, and so am I. Arranging Skype dates between busy people is a nightmare). If there are any grammatical errors, PLEASE feel free to point them out to me, since I want my writing to be as good as it can possibly be. Also, feel free to give me constructive criticism/feedback, it would be much appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi has a “What is it Eren” moment in place of Jean, and he’s one step closer to being on equal footing with Eren in terms of the bet! Eren starts to be confused about his feelings towards Levi, but Levi chooses to be oblivious about it and avoids jumping to conclusions. I promise you that a winner will be announced next chapter, I even have a mini roadmap thing planned out (this bet thing has been dragging on for a long time). (Also heads-up: I've been having a stressful time so I think I did a really horrible job for this chapter- as in it isn't exactly the quality I was aiming for. I hope you still enjoy it though ;A;)

Never in my 21 years of existing have I ever felt so mentally exhausted. I had spent most of the previous night staying up to do Eren’s mock test, which proved to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. Learning over two-thirds of a semester’s worth of intellectual jargon in one night wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be, and I spent the earliest hours of the morning cursing into the depths of my shitty incandescent lamp-lit room, questioning how I ever thought it would be a good idea to make such a stupid bet in the first place, when it proved to provide me with absolutely no benefit.

I trudged into class halfway through first period in a terrible humor and with circles under my eyes that were significantly darker than usual. The first thing I did was cross my arms on the desk, and tuck my head inside the artificial darkness to catch up on some sleep. Of course, Eren wouldn’t tolerate my slacking off, and kicked the back of my seat so hard that I lurched forward violently. I reluctantly lifted my head up and gave him an “I’m-really-not-in-the-mood-for-your-shit” type of glare. I must have looked like I was about to commit a goddamn murder because he made the right choice of keeping to himself after that. I did my best to look as though I was listening in class, but over the course of time, I had mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open. Information that I was supposed to be processing cognitively flew straight over the top of my head and I sat there in a near-vegetative state. Fortunately, no one was stupid enough to bother me until the bell rang for first break and jolted me out of my stupor.

“Levi,” Eren called out before I could so much as move a damn muscle.

“What.”

“You’ve done the test right?”

“Yeah. Here.” I lay it on top of his extended hand.

He eyed me suspiciously. “You’re not really talkative today. What happened?”

“Your fucking mock test happened, that’s what,” I spat. I was in a vile mood today and I wasn’t going to let that pointless conversation darken it further, in case I burned down the whole school building in the process.

“I made it so easy though! If you’re having so much trouble…then maybe I should sit down and help you with each problem. Boy, you’ve got a long way to go. I only gave you math questions yesterday since we have a test next week…and that’s only one out of the nine subjects we’re taking.”

“Whatever. I don't really give a shit. Just…don’t bother me now. I stayed up so late doing your fucking thing that I’m surprised that I can even have a normal conversation right now.”

He chuckled slightly at that comment. “I’m actually so surprised that despite the fact that I gave you notes, you’re still half dead just from putting in the effort. So I guess I’ll have to babysit you later again, since you’re probably no better off than a third grader. Same place same time?”

“If you’re trying to rub salt in my wound, then leave. Now.”

I could’ve damn well grabbed Eren by his hair and yanked out a good chunk of it so that there wouldn’t be a bet to win anymore, if it weren’t for my complete lack of energy. He shrugged his shoulders and I caught a faint mischievous twinkle in his eyes as he left to meet up with Armin and Mikasa, who appeared to be waiting for him at the classroom door. My facial muscles would have relaxed if I didn’t catch the lightning hot glare that Mikasa was shooting in my direction. I returned the favor, and put up a middle finger, silently willing her to go away in case she further aggravated my state of mind.

“Yo, Levi,” Connie called out for my attention.

“The fuck do you want.”

“Woah there, nice to see you too. Holy shit what the hell happened to your face?”

“Do you want me to rearrange yours?” I snarled back.

“You usually have dark circles under your eyes, but you look like a goddamn panda today. What happened?” Reiner pitched in.

“I stayed up late.”

“Wow, no shit, doing what? Jerking off too hard?” Cockstein chimed in, and made the wrong decision of resting his arm on my shoulder. I violently shrugged him off.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Connie let out a loud, crude snort of laughter. “It’s funny because it’s like a circus in here. We have Horsestein and Levi the Panda. Hey, we should make you guys the main attraction, although I highly doubt anyone wants to pay to see any of _this_.”

“Seriously now, ever since yesterday all you shitlords seem to want to do is talk. If that interests you all so much, then I might as well just leave you all to pull shit out of your asses.”

I briskly stalked away from them, enraged that they had the indecency to mention something I clearly didn’t want to talk about and, on top of that, joke about it so casually. That being said, they each had an intuition so primitive that it would probably be worse than that of a single-celled organism, and I couldn’t exactly blame them for being so stupidly insensitive about everything in general. However, they were smart enough to leave me alone like they did yesterday. I wandered around aimlessly and somehow found my legs involuntarily taking me to the library.

_At least there’d be peace and quiet here and I can catch up on my sleep._

I sank into the farthest workstation away from the entrance and allowed myself to drift into a light slumber.

I was awakened moments later by a continuous shake on my shoulder, and I raised my head up slightly above the corner of my arm to see Eren standing above me, looking guilty as hell for waking me up.

“On the plus side, you look pretty good for someone who stayed up all night.”

“Oh no, thanks, I’m glad someone recognized the fact that I wore eyeliner today,” I scoffed.

He sighed, and covered parts of his face with a hand. “That’s not what I meant! I’m seriously glad that you’re putting in the time and effort to do this. It really means a lot to me, even though you’re the one who came up with the crazy bet in the first place.”

“Don’t remind me. So? What was it you actually came here for?”

“I just wanted to give you the test back. I’ve made corrections already. You got more than half of the test wrong, but I’m guessing that this is what your full capabilities are?”

“Wow, is it International Asshole Day today?” _Not like it wasn’t any other day._

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry okay? You just need a lot more room for improvement.” He placed the mock test on top of my head, which was still mostly buried within the cave of darkness I made with my arms on the table. I groaned and pulled myself upright, simultaneously taking the stack of papers off of my head.

I let him go through the mock test with me, and made a conscious effort to focus and pay attention to what he was saying this time, since I wanted to get it over with as soon as humanly possible. I could feel myself float away in a dream-like state occasionally, but Eren did everything in his power to keep me on track, including asking me questions that involved me repeating what he had just said.

“You should really be a teacher you know,” I commented after he was done explaining everything.

His complexion colored slightly. “Thanks, I guess. But I don’t think that’s what I want to do. I’ll go for it though, since you say so.”

“Huh. You don’t have to take my word for everything, brat. Do whatever _you_ want to do.”

He cocked his head slightly, as if contemplating what I had just said, and then stayed quiet. I probed him for a reaction. “ _Please_ tell me that you can decide your likes and dislikes for yourself at the very least. You’re so spineless that I can’t even tell if you even possess a sense of self.”

“What? Of course I can!” He cried out defensively.

“Prove it.”

“I like you! Everyone else told me not to approach you but I did anyways!”

It took us both a beat to register what he had just said. I momentarily forgot about how tired I was, and sat further upright to give him an incredulous look. He must have realized that he had opened his mouth without thinking and turned away from me, a bright crimson glow spreading across his cheeks. Neither of us knew what to say to break the momentary tension, and I was too much in shock to even begin to process what that meant or how I felt about it.

“Hey Eren, I’ve been looking for you where did you…” Armin intervened, and stopped himself once he saw who Eren’s company was. His timing couldn’t have been better, and I took that as a cue to slump back into my arms and drift off for the rest of break.

“Nah I was just…you know what, I’m hungry let’s go get something to eat,” Eren responded.

“Wait what were you doing with Lev-“ I heard Armin whisper, before their voices faded into the distance. I breathed a sigh of relief and allowed my exhaustion to distract me as much as possible before break ended.

* * *

When I came to, I felt a presence next to me.

“What is it, Eren,” I began through a yawn, before arching my neck back to look at him. I almost fell off of my damn seat when I realized that for once, it wasn’t Eren sitting next to me, but Mikasa instead.

“Well, what bad wind blew you over here. Your boyfriend already left, try again later.”

The look that she gave me could have cleanly cut through a block of steel. “I already know that. I actually came here to talk to you about him.”

“What about him? It’s not my fault that he doesn’t know where his ass ends and his head starts.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you, _midget_? All you do is go around insulting and bullying people that annoy you. I have no idea what Eren’s thinking and why he decided that it’s a good idea to hang out with you, but I’m giving you a warning here. If you hurt him in any way, get him into trouble, or influence him to do the stupid things that you do on a daily basis, I won’t hesitate to slice you up. And if you’re smart enough, you’d stay away from him from now on.”

“It ain’t my fault that he keeps coming back whenever I push him away. Must be my charming good looks and charisma.”

“Don’t say I didn't warn you.”

“Whatever, brother-complex.”

She moved to grab me by the collar, but I stopped her short from touching me with a venomous look.

“Tch. You’d better hope that you have life insurance, midget,” she spat before turning heel and storming away from me.

I stretched in my seat, and noticed that a sheet of folded paper had been placed next to me while I was sleeping. I rubbed my eyes with my right hand, and unfolded the note with my left.

_Can we go back to the park after school again like we did yesterday? Your answer this morning wasn’t exactly clear…_

Judging by how the letters scrawled across the paper in brisk strokes and how the y’s do a weird loop at the end of its length, I could tell it was Eren who wrote it. I allowed myself to let out a slight snort of laughter through my nose, and stuffed the piece of paper into my pants pocket before getting up and leaving the library. Despite the slightest of annoyances I felt from my encounter with Mikasa, I felt oddly refreshed, and headed back to the classroom in the best mood I had been in all day.

As I was making my way over to the desk, I noticed that Eren was looking at me in that expectantly hopeful way he seemed to be developing a habit of wearing recently. I rolled my eyes, held up the now crumpled up piece of paper that was his note, and gave a simple nod in his direction as my reply. I turned away before I could see his reaction and plopped myself down in my seat.

Never have I ever thought that I wanted school to drag on as slowly as it possibly could. I was dreading the fact that I had to spend another two or more hours with Eren after school, since I was still weighed down with fatigue despite my little nap earlier. That awkward little moment that we had in the library didn’t exactly make me look forward to talking to him either. But time has a way of doing exactly the opposite of what you want it to do. It flies by when you’re having fun or when you’re not looking forward to something, and drags on when you’re not.

The bell rung far too soon and I slid off of my chair with a reluctant groan. Sure enough, Eren had already gotten up off of his seat and was waiting for me. The enthusiasm that he was emitting almost made me sick to my stomach, and I gave it my best effort to avoid his stupidly pretty eyes. Without another word, I hooked my book bag over one shoulder, and walked out of the classroom, knowing that Eren would be right at my heels like some annoyingly obedient puppy. Halfway down the hallway, I finally decided that it would be an appropriate time for me to at least say something.

“So your sister, or whatever the hell your relationship is with her, talked to me earlier.”

“She did _what_?” he cried out, borderline mortified.

“Woah, woah calm the fuck down, seriously, who shat in your cereal? It was just a stupid talk.”

“Knowing Mikasa, she really doesn’t think things through before jumping into any situation when it comes to my well being. She’s really protective and sometimes it really pisses me off. She already knocked a couple of bullies out cold in my old school, before I transferred here. That's sort of the reason why we had to leave; Mikasa was expelled because of it and we needed to be in the same school to look after each other.”

“Hmph. Well I can assure you that if she were to ever try me on physically, _she’d_ probably be the one getting the black eye. I’m not exactly the type of person that you can push around. I wouldn’t hesitate to defend myself, even if my opponent’s a girl.”

He chortled. “It’s hard to imagine you getting into fights and winning, since you’re so tiny.” He made the horrible mistake of patting me on the head, albeit hesitantly at first. I grabbed him by the wrist and wrenched it at an angle that made it uncomfortable for him, but not with enough force to snap it in two.

“Don’t ever do that again.”

“I won’t, I won’t! Just please let go, it really hurts.”

“I’m warning you, shitty brat,” I repeated, and then let him go with a slight flick of my wrist.

“Right, last time Mikasa insulted you about your height, you got pretty ticked off about it.”

“Sometimes, I wonder how you’re able to tell from right to left,” I commented, appalled that he was so stupid about the most basic things. He kept quiet after a while and judging by how is expression darkened slightly after I had spoken, I could tell that he was probably beating himself up about how insensitive he’d been.

“Don’t worry about it too much, I get shit about my height all the time,” I sighed, and gave him a brief pat on his shoulder for reassurance. I generally don’t like engaging in physical contact, but seeing Eren so crestfallen made me feel genuinely sorry for him.

We rode to the park without conversing again, and I was really beginning to enjoy how pleasant these moments were. It was extremely rare of me to be perfectly comfortable around someone, without the need to throw around meaningless words just for the sake of it. It’s also pretty amazing how much Eren could communicate through his face, as opposed to the times when he only does harm with his unnecessary habit of opening his mouth without thinking. He was just so easy to read, almost embarrassingly so. Even the tiniest of emotions tug at his features, as if he wasn’t physically capable of telling lies. I found that part of him almost captivating, and silently observed him through my peripheral vision to avoid the awkward nature of openly staring at him shamelessly, like I did yesterday.

While we were walking over to the bench we sat at yesterday, Eren thought it would be appropriate to break the silence.

“So…what exactly did Mikasa say?” He shoved his hands into his pockets, and kicked a small pebble out of the way, as if he was almost nervous to hear my answer.

“Nothing really. It was more like a threat. Something like if I ever fuck you up, or if you turned out fucked up and it was somehow my fault, she’d shoot me dead or something.”

“Oh God, I’m so sorry I-”

“Don’t sweat it, brat. She was always giving me shit-eating glares ever since she walked into that classroom. I’m kinda used to it by now.”

He heaved a sigh of relief, and somehow looked as though a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

As soon as my ass had just so much as brushed the goddamn bench, Eren had already suggested that we open up our books and go through what we had just learned today.

“What learning, I didn’t learn shit today,” I retorted.

“You’d be lucky if you could even possess the capacity to even learn _shit_ , at this stage.”

“Whatever. Are we going to start or not? Unlike you, I have better ways I can spend my free time.”

He pulled out a new set of math questions and placed them on my lap. “I actually made these under the assumption that you’d fly through the other questions. They’re a little bit harder and require more analytical thinking…which we both know that you’re probably incapable of doing so…” He flinched under my warning glare and desperately tried to cover up for himself by adding, “but I’m sure that if I help you with these, you’ll get it in no time.”

“Damn straight I will.”

I wasn’t sure if Eren’s approach to tutoring me had changed, but I found that math actually began to make sense, and the questions I had struggled with last night weren’t so bad after all. I had a mini ‘Eureka!’ moment, and began to understand all at once why they decided to throw in letters along with the numbers (As if the numerical system itself wasn’t confusing enough. Screw whoever came up with such a stupid idea). I even dared myself to admit the fact that I was beginning to think that math was fun. I didn’t let Eren in on my epiphany, though. I was still much too proud to disclose such confidential information.

After he was done talking, Eren pulled out another question sheet, and handed it to me.

“Alright, now that I’ve explained everything, do these questions, and I’ll correct them after you’re done. It shouldn’t take you too long since there are only five questions,” he instructed.

He was wrong. It took me about half an hour to finish the five questions that he had just given me.

“You still got quite a few wrong,” Eren commented after he had checked over my work.

“Well it’s probably your shitty teaching,” I grumbled, annoyed that I was still making so many mistakes despite the fact that I really did try to give it my best shot.

“Hey, you were the one who said that my teaching was good earlier.”

“Maybe you should clean the shit from your ears and actually listen to what people say.”

“I heard you loud and clear! Anyways, make corrections. I’m only giving you 10 minutes, since you spent so much damn time doing just five questions…”

“Since I’m so damn smart, 5 minutes is probably enough,” I shot back, snatching the worksheet from his hand.

I eventually got the hang of it, and could do the questions with minimal problems, despite a few careless mistakes here and there.

“I never would’ve guessed that math could make sense,” I finally admitted to Eren after he had exhausted his seemingly endless supply of worksheets.

“It wasn’t hard in the first place. I’m curious though…why do you think that studying is such a bad idea? Is it because it doesn’t fit in with this ‘badass’ image that you set up for yourself?”

Letting someone in was so foreign, so unworldly that it made me hesitate and second-guess every microscopic detail of what I was doing or saying. I felt inclined to push Eren away, but at the same time, he had me wanting to plunge deeper within the depths of the unknown, to know what it’s like to let someone in. I finally decided to tell him because he at least deserved to know the truth after all the trouble he went through to get me to take a goddamn textbook seriously.

“Oh please, you know I’m a badass, quit using that sarcastic quotation gesture all the time, we’re not in fucking fifth grade anymore. It’s just that whatever I do, I still manage to fuck up because I’m not doing it _their_ way. I just gave up trying because even if you do things right from the bottom of your heart, they won’t ever hope to take you seriously if you don’t do things within their stupid boundaries. So yeah, my behavior is just like one big middle finger up the institution’s ass. I only do things for myself, and none other than myself, because no one really cares, and no one tries, or wants to anyways.”

“I care, though. And you don’t fuck things up,” he said quietly.

“You’re killing me here, Eren. What the fuck is up with you these days? Why should you care about a copout like me? No, seriously, who took that shaft out of your ass?”

“I don't really know. All I _do_ know is that you always look so sad and alone, and I just want to bethere for you, you know? Because I think you deserve friends who are better than those asspricks that you associate with on a daily basis.”

“Hey, they may be idiots, but they’re my guys alright? Don’t call them that, only I have the right to insult them. And don’t go around acting like you know me, you don’t know _shit_.”

“Sorry, but you seem like you’re way out of their league. You’re so much better than they are.”

“And I’m assuming that you’re implying that _you’re_ a better choice,” I snorted.

“Y-yeah. I mean, I’m not one to judge here, but I’ve never actually seen any of them notice when you’re having a bad day, and be sensitive about it.”

“Can’t really blame them since they’re so goddamn stupid, though.”

“But I’m not stupid. I just want to be around, since it seems like you have no one you can completely rely on. I know there’s more to you than this stupid asshole that you keep trying to make everyone believe that you are. And besides, you’re the only one who can really shut me up with your equally sarcastic remarks, I’m kind of drawn to people who are capable of doing that.”

I didn’t say anything, and simply stared at him openmouthed, and attempted to communicate with him through my eyes. _How dare you. How fucking dare you see right through me as if I was clear as glass, when all my life no one has ever tried to understand me._ He must have been confused at the way I was looking at him, and turned away as a result.

We spent the rest of our time at the park sitting next to each other and observing the scenery around us without another word, watching old couples take strolls, and listening to a slight breeze rustle the leaves of the trees above us that sheltered us in what seemed to be like our own private bubble of warmth and companionship. We watched the sky transform into a colorful marble of pink, purple, and orange, until twilight settled around us and Eren got up to take his leave.

“Thanks,” I finally managed.

He smiled at me in that annoyingly addictive way that he always did and called out “See you tomorrow, Levi!” before trotting over to where our bikes were parked. 

* * *

I spent the rest of the week going to the park with Eren after school, mostly to study, but also to sit around and secretly enjoy his company. I found him tolerable in the most ridiculous sense because of the fact that he could see past the guards I put up around myself. He called me out at times when no one else could, and saw right through my constant display of bravado to get to my inner, more vulnerable core. But in a way, it was good. I could relax and be at peace with myself when he was around. He was different from the rest of them, hardly the vermin I once thought him to be. I was beginning to _like_ ‘different’. And at some point or another, I actually began looking forward to seeing Eren. I started going to the basketball court less and less often, and spent more of my time in the library instead. Despite his usual sarcastic remarks and overall annoying personality, I had still learned more from him in a week than I had in my entire fourteen years of schooling.

When the time came to write our math test, I was more prepared than I had ever been for anything in my life, and was solving equations as though it was my second nature.

“You’ll be fine, don’t worry about anything other than doing your best. You’ve done everything in your power to study and prepare for this, so just don’t freak out. Relax, and apply everything I taught you,” Eren reassured me minutes before math class started.

“I never said I was worried in the first place, dipshit.”

“Right, well, good luck!” He extended a hand out to me and waited for me to shake it, but when I gave him a judgmental look, he passed it off as if he was intending to scratch his head. I suppressed the urge to roll off of my seat and fall to the floor with laughter.

“Just relax, will you, quit being so fucking formal around me, I think we’ve already reached a point where boundaries aren’t necessary anymore. Not that you ever understood them in the first place.”

He heaved a sigh of relief, and playfully punched me on the shoulder while throwing me a wry smile. “I’ll see you after the test.”

“Watch me kick your ass,” I threw back.

I prepared myself for the worst when the test paper was placed faced-down on my desk. Trepidation flowed through my veins as I wiped my sweaty palms on a small handkerchief I liked to carry around in my shirt pocket. I felt the slightest of tremors ripple from my palm to my fingertips as our math teacher, Mr. Bossard, instructed us to turn over and start writing.

My nerves calmed, however, as soon as I saw the first question.

_I literally just did this question with Eren a couple of days ago._

All at once, everything began to make sense again, and I wrote equations and numbers down as fast as I possibly could, recalled things that Eren had said, and used his hints and tips to my advantage. It was almost as if he was sitting right next to me on that park bench, giving me a walkthrough as I took the test.

I yawned and stretched my arms out after we were finished, satisfied that it had gone so much better than I had expected it to. Eren had scrambled out of his seat as soon as the bell rang and practically hopped over to my desk space.

“So, how was it?” he prompted me.

“Fine. A hell of a lot easier than I thought it would be.”

“That’s because you actually studied. I told you so.” He gave me a smug smile that I almost wanted to slap off of his face.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Mr. Know-It-All. Later.” I looped my book bag over my right shoulder and walked towards the door. I stopped short of the classroom entrance and noticed that Eren was walking immediately behind me, looking contented as hell.

“What are you doing,” I sighed and turned my head back to glare at him.

“Aren’t we going to the park like we usually do?”

“What, do you have shit for brains? We just finished writing a test. Unlike you, I think I can do with at least one day without studying, thank you very much.”

“I never said that we’d be studying,” he protested.

“Okay, so what itinerary do you have planned for us, mom?”

“I just want to hang out with you. Is that too much to ask?”

“I was gonna go home and take a massive dump, but seeing as I spew so much shit from my _mouth_ whenever I’m around you, going to the park will probably get the job done.”

“So that’s a yes?”

I grunted in response, and Eren happily unlocked his bike and mounted it before I even began to so much as take a step towards mine. I sighed and rubbed the crease between my brows, wondering why I let myself get tangled up in his web of positivity in the first place.

We sat down at our usual bench, and I looked over at Eren, who was leaning against the backrest contentedly with his eyes closed. I felt a sudden wave of curiosity wash over me, and felt inclined to break the silence with some meaningless conversation.

“Say Eren, have you ever…dated anyone?” I asked hesitantly at first.

“No. I mean I’m always studying. I don’t really have time to think about crushes, romance, and all that crap.”

“No shit? Do you even possess the ability to find anyone attractive then?”

He looked at me with an expression so ridiculous that it looked as though his eyes would have bugged out of their sockets, then turned away and twiddled his thumbs, trying to mask the cerise tinge that bloomed across his face.

“Oho, so you do? Who’s the chick?” I smirked.

He lifted his gaze towards me and used his left hand to scratch the back of his head. “I dunno…she’s got black hair…I guess she can be quite scary when she’s angry, she’s shorter than me by a bit…and she’s just someone that I never expected to like.”

“Don’t tell me…are you secretly in love with Mikasa? That’s fucked up man, you can jump her any time since you live in the same house. You’re a closet pervert, aren’t you?”

He bristled at that. “Quit talking about my sister that way. And no! I don’t like her like that, you asshole, that’s not even something you should joke about.”

“Well, I’m stumped. I don’t think there’s any other girl at school who fits your description.”

“Well…maybe she doesn’t go to this school.”

I snorted and tried to keep a straight face. “You don’t even go anywhere except home, here, and school. Granted, I doubt you’d even have the social skills to even meet anyone outside of your immediate social circle, idiot.”

He pursed his lips and looked away, as if he didn’t want to continue this conversation. After a long pause, he shifted the attention towards me.

“Well, what about you? You always talk about jerking off and reading porn mags all the time, but have you ever truly liked or dated anyone?”

“Wow have you even been paying attention to anything at all since we’ve been hanging out, dude? Look at me. I’m a walking disaster. My life is like the lyrics out of a Sum 41 song, do you think I’d have the time or patience to care about people other than myself?”

“What the hell is a Sum 41?”

My mouth hung open and I looked at Eren as if he’d just set up a bomb in front of me. “Are you being fucking serious right now.”

“Yes! I told you I don’t even have time to-“

“Don’t you fucking use that ‘I study all the time’ excuse of yours. Not knowing who they are is like a goddamn _crime_ in my book.”

“Well I’m sorry I don’t live by your rules!” he shouted back.

I rubbed my temples and sighed as if he was putting me through physical pain. “Jesus fucking Christ…what do you even listen to then? Please tell me you at least know what music is.”

“I don’t know, I just turn on the radio, or listen to some of Mikasa’s shit on iTunes.”

“Like what, can you be more specific? Give me artists and genres to work with here. Do I look like a goddamn mind reader?”

“I dunno, like Avril Lavigne? Maroon something-or-other, I forgot, and…I just listen to whatever Mikasa does I guess. I’m not really big on music, I don’t have time-”

“Oh for Chrissakes here…” I pulled out my iPod, waved an ear bud at Eren’s face, and turned the click wheel until I had selected one of my favorite songs.

He reluctantly stuck the bud into his right ear, and I clicked the play button. “This is the music that I've listened to ever since I figured out what music was, so don’t fucking say shit about it.”

“Weren’t you the one who told me to make up my mind about what I liked and didn’t like?”

“Shut the fuck up and just listen to the music,” I retorted, and shoved the free ear bud into my left ear. I closed my eyes and lip-synced to the lyrics that I had learned off by heart from sleepless nights and constant replays.

_I don’t want to waste my time_   
_Become another casualty of society_   
_I’ll never fall in line_   
_Become another victim of your conformity…_

I let the song play out until the end and turned to face Eren expectantly.

“Wow that was really, really good…much better than the stuff that Mikasa constantly plays.” He looked as though he had just discovered the goddamn fountain of youth.

“Of course it is, it’s punk rock,” I scoffed, highly amused by the expression he was wearing, and also transfixed by how sheltered he was to have not known about music I practically grew up listening to.

“You know what? Maybe I should take you to this record store that Armin’s grandfather owns. You could introduce me to more music there, and you’ll love it.”

“Sure. It’s a date then,” I said and fluttered my eyelashes for a sarcastic effect, before rolling my eyes and shaking my head slightly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Eren fidget and blush violently like he did earlier when we were talking about his crush, but I brushed it off as just another figment of my imagination.

“Listen, I really gotta go, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Mr. Bossard normally marks tests really quickly so we’ll see how well you do after first period,” he said after a long, awkward pause.

“Yeah, sure. See you.”

For the first time since we had been going to the park, he didn’t turn back to smile and wave goodbye. Instead, he looked like he was doing everything in his power to get away from me. I looked up at the sky, and was suddenly struck with the realization that it was still bright out and the sun hadn’t even begun to set. I wondered if Eren had ever left the park this early, and made it a point to ask him about his strange behavior the next time I saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not getting people to proofread my work before publishing anymore, so PLEASE let me know if I make any grammatical errors etc. Also, thank you for the support you've been giving me, I really appreciate it! Feel free to give me any feedback, I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh hi, so I finally got the motivation to continue writing, so here's ch 5. Sorry for the wait! I also post updates about my progress on my tumblr- rivaillepls (if anyone cares), please feel free to msg me if you have any thoughts/questions!  
> It's about a week before midterms and these two losers are still struggling with the feelings they clearly have for each other and Levi has a rather monumental epiphany which might change the course of their friendship and yes. Just idiots continuing to be idiots basically.

I’d refused to admit that the reason I had been tossing and turning all night was because I was piss-scared about what score I was getting. If anything, it was the fact that a pipe was leaking through my ceiling, causing a cascade of obsessive-compulsive thoughts of mould growing between the cracks to whirl through my mind, like it does every night. Or, I just wanted reassurance that my time spent studying with Eren wasn’t for nothing. Cursing and kicking the sheets off of my sweat-soaked blankets, I did the one thing that calmed me down and thumped angrily towards the bathroom.

“Hello…” I called out cautiously to make sure that no one was in the house. I was answered by eerie silence. _Perfect_.

But even the smooth silky feeling of anti-bacterial body wash couldn’t calm my heightened nerves. I dried off and, convinced I wasn’t ever going to get some shut-eye tonight, turned on the worn-down computer that was sitting at my desk, half hoping some of the loud whirring noises echoing around the room might act as some form of meditation, half wanting to take my mind off of things by playing some NBA Live. By the time I hit 120 points to 50 while playing against this absolute noob of a player who probably couldn't even coordinate his hands to wipe his ass and flush the toilet at the same time, the sun had already reared its ugly orange head, and my alarm went off, indicating that it was 7am. I rubbed my sleep-deprived eyes and stretched my stiff joints out. Might as well start heading to school now.

Just as I had set foot in the classroom entrance, Mr. Bossard had already begun to start class, and he set down a neat stack of papers down on the desk, waiting for the bell to ring.

Mr. Bossard thoroughly believed in public humiliation when it came to handing out test papers. He would read out your grade in front of the entire class, and you’d have to shamefully shuffle to the front of the class, grab the test, witness his signature contemptuous glare that made you feel as if you were the stupidest person he had ever met, and turn to face a room full of judgmental looks before shrinking back into your seat again. Of course, this had no effect on me, so when I sauntered up to the front of the class confidently as Mr. Bossard spluttered out a bewildered “Levi- 75%?” I gave him and the rest of my audience a triumphant smirk, pausing slightly to wave my test score in Eren’s face, before letting out a contented sigh as I sat down in my seat. _I am definitely going to win this fucking bet now,_ I thought, folding my arms across my chest complacently.

I could almost physically feel my arrogance peaking, but that wasn’t the only thing my consciousness was detecting. Sure enough, through my peripheral vision, I saw Reiner, Jean and Connie staring daggers at me, ones that were probably sharp enough to pierce through my goddamn flesh if they actually existed. Something told me that once class ended, I’d have to explain myself to them. For the first time in my life, I wished that I were wrong.

“Oi, Levi. Could we talk to you for a ‘sec?” Jean stopped me before I could get up off of my seat.

“I _could_ talk to you. It’s just that I don’t want to.”

“Don’t be a dick. You know exactly what I meant. What, so you score a 75% on one stupid test and you think you can pull this elitist bullshit on us?”

“And I’m saying that a conversation has to work both ways. The only reason why I was dumb was ‘cause I was screwing around with you fucktards in the first place. I don’t want to talk to you, so could you two-step your ass to the side so that I could save everyone the trouble of not pissing my pants?”

“Cut the crap. You always use the bathroom as an excuse to get yourself out of sticky situations. We know your stupid habits and shit, and do you know why? Because we’re your fucking _friends_ that’s why, or have you forgotten all about us?” Reiner interjected.

“Yet another great reason why I don’t have to explain myself to any of you. Don’t flatter yourself. You guys ain’t my buddies. I don’t have any friends. Just get lost.”

“See what you’re doing here Levi? You always push people away from you, acting like you’re so goddamn tough and shit, but do you know what you actually are? You’re a fucking coward. You’re scared shitless about letting people in. You’re scared that people will leave or betray you. You think the world is against you. Well I’m done. If that’s how you really feel, then go on right ahead feeling miserable and alone your whole life.”

Reiner’s voice had hiked up several decibels loud enough for everyone in the classroom to go dead silent and turn their attention to us. I glowered at him.

“Why don’t you just throw in a little musical number while you’re at it, since you seem to love making a scene,” I threw my arm up and gestured at the anxious faces around us.

“Hey, hey what’s going on here?” Eren cautiously walked over and placed a hand over Reiner’s, which had (apparently) tightly gripped my collar in a pathetic attempt to show off his male bravado.

“It’s got nothing to do with you, Major Buzz Kill,” Reiner snarled.

“I wasn’t asking you, Braun-and-No-Brains,” Eren spat back. “What’s going on here, Levi?” he began again, addressing me directly this time.

I swore my eyes rolled so far to the back of my head that I may as well have seen the inside of my cranial cavity. “These assholes were just jealous that I was hanging out with you instead of with them so that I can win the bet. Is everyone happy now? Can I take a fucking leak so that _I_ can be happy?”

Reiner finally let go of me. “You’re actually willing to go this far for a bet?”

I chose to filter his voice out and turned my back on him, desperate to escape the heavy atmosphere that descended on the classroom. Of course I wouldn’t be alone for long, since a patter of footsteps decided to trail behind my own.

“You really blew off all your friends just to hang out with me?” _And of course it had to be Eren Jaeger._

“You don’t ever know when to shut up and back off do you?”

“And you’re so great at answering questions with more questions, aren’t you?”

I sighed impatiently, frustrated by the fact that I wasn’t allowed to be alone with my thoughts. “What is it that you want _this_ time.”

“I just feel really guilty that I caused all this…drama. You don’t have to hang out with me all the time you know? And besides, you’ve already proven your point. You’re not dumb. We don’t have to continue this bet and we can just live our lives like we did before, as if we didn’t know each other. Things would be better that way,” he replied, staring at the tiles of the hallway, all the while trying to avoid my eyes.

“Wow you inconsiderate shit. Didn’t anyone teach you that you’re supposed to look at people when you talk to them? Am I that unattractive?”

“What, no! You’re attractive I just…” his voice trailed off and my eyes widened at the sight of the beet-red flush that was spreading across his face. He made an idiotic sound that was half between a helpless grunt and an “ugh” noise, and briskly tried to run off, but I reached out and tightly gripped his arm before he was able to get away.

“You’ve been avoiding me since yesterday. Frankly, I don't care what you say because everything that comes out of your mouth is bullshit anyways. The point is, I’ve already told you shit about myself that no one else should ever know about. And you expect me to just _pretend_ that all of that never happened? Can’t you stop being so fucking selfish for just one bloody second? And don’t even for a _second_ think that you can call off the bet whenever you want. I made it, and I’m going to stick with it,” I growled, furious that he would even dare suggest something of that caliber. How dare he, the one person I trusted with my shitty personal problems, suggest to suddenly just walk off out of my life?

“Okay. Sorry.”

After an uncomfortably long pause, I finally decided to open my mouth again. “So what did you get for the test? I wasn’t listening when Mr. Bossard called your name.”

“A 94. Not my best but still better than Armin and Mikasa,” he grinned triumphantly.

“Showoff,” I murmured, and shoved him lightly towards the wall.

“Like I said, there’s no way you’ll be able to beat me,” he laughed and stuck his tongue out at me.

“Fuck off. We’ll see about that,” I retorted. I shook off the sudden rush of relief that Eren wasn’t acting weird around me anymore, and that things had eventually returned back to normal.

* * *

When I sat back in my respective seat in class, I noticed that there was a large sheet of paper that had been wedged in my half open bag. Reiner, Jean and Connie had apparently written a formal note of apology when I was off trying to cool my head. Aside from the atrocious grammar and the almost illegible handwriting, I was genuinely somewhat grateful that they would even dish out their time or effort to do something so sappy. Especially Cockstein, since he was usually too much of a dick to admit his faults in, well, anything. I reached over to tap Reiner’s shoulder.

“You know, you idiots sure make it seem that I’m the social glue that holds this pathetic little clique together,” I started.

“Obnoxious prick, who said that we're dying without you,” Reiner smiled

“It’s not like I suddenly lost both my legs and can’t play basketball anymore. If you want me to join you just ask. You have a mouth hole and vocal chords for a reason.”

“Yeah, yeah, cut the crap. You better win this fucking bet since you’re so invested in it to the point where you even gave up basketball, asshole.” Cockstein added.

“What, I have a head of hair to keep, shithead.”

“Let’s just all shut up and play some 2 on 2 later, nerds,” Connie laughed and slapped Cockstein on the back, earning us all a strange yelp that sounded almost akin to the neigh of a horse, much to Connie and Reiner’s amusement.

* * *

A week passed, and the wet season hit us with a torrential downpour that was so bad to the point where it was impossible for me to bike to school, much less study at the park. Eren’s ‘brilliant idea’ was to stay back and study in the classroom instead.

“No fucking way am I staying in this communal jail cell for more than the required time,” I argued.

“Then where else are we supposed to go?”

“Anywhere but in this bloody school.”

“Fine. You can come over to my place.”

“Your psychotic girlfriend’s going to be there. May I remind you that last time we exchanged words, I was _that_ close to ripping her to shreds.” I displayed about a centimeter’s length of space between my index finger and thumb.

“You’re the one who looked more like dead meat,” he snorted.

“Eren, you little shit, there’s no way I’m going anywhere near Mikasa.”

“Okay, fine. Why don’t we go study at yours instead?”

I immediately tensed up. “Anywhere but my house. Fine, if those are our only options, I’ll come over. Provided that Mikasa’s not anywhere around the vicinity.”

He paused reluctantly. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Good,” I said almost a little too cheery even for my own taste. “So where shall we sit our asses down today?”

He paused, face screwed up in an expression of such deep contemplation that one would have thought that he was either in severe pain from constipation, or going into labor.

“Ah,” he exclaimed suddenly after a while, causing me to damn near jump out of my skin. “Why don’t we go over to the music store that Armin’s grandfather owns? The one I told you about last week. We can take a break from studying today.”

“Sure. Whatever. He’d better have some good music otherwise I’m leaving. None of that pop shit or whatever the fuck you listen to.”

“Relax, Mr. Arlert has just about every genre of music in that store. And I’ve stopped listening to Mikasa’s stuff, I listen to punk rock now too…could you introduce me to some more while we're there?”

“No shit? What are you listening to now?”

“The stuff you played for me last week. You know the 41 thing…”

“It’s _Sum 41_. Don’t disgrace their name with your shit memorization.”

“Yeah, yeah, you know what I meant.”

We came to an abrupt halt just in front of the school entrance. “You wouldn’t happen to have an umbrella, would you?” he asked, almost nervously.

“If you need one just ask if I can share mine with you, shitty brat,” I sighed exasperatingly, holding out my fold-up umbrella for him.

He walked beside me in complete silence, and we listened to the patter of rain thumping gently over our heads, our footsteps synchronizing into some sort of comforting rhythm. I looked over at Eren from the corner of my eye, and noticed that he was scratching his head in that annoying way that he did when he gets confused, or when he wants to say something but doesn’t know if he should.

“Just spit it out,” I said, clearly feeling a hint of annoyance brush the back of my mind.

“Huh?”

“If you want to say something just say it, idiot.”

“N-no, I mean, well…” he cleared his throat. “I was just kinda bothered about what you said earlier…about hanging out with me just because you want to win the bet. Is that true? I mean I thought you genuinely wanted to be my friend. Don’t get me wrong, since I was the one who talked shit about Jean and them in the first place but…”

“Did your mouth ever come with a filter, because you have a serious case of verbal diarrhea. Calm the fuck down. I obviously just said that so they would shut up forever. Why else would I go to your shitty music store?”

He didn’t respond so I glanced over at him. The stem of the umbrella had covered up his side profile just enough so that I could catch only a glimpse of probably the stupidest smile I had ever seen him wear spread across his face. I rolled my eyes and directed my attention to the world outside our small private veranda, watching the raindrops slowly paint everything around us a silver-grey.

“We’re here.” Eren stopped right outside a small, run-down store that had the words _Rhythm Records_ painted across the sign in a bold dark blue color, and pushed the door in, ringing the bell attached to it in the process. “Hi Mr. Arlert! Is Armin here?”

An elderly man wearing half-moon glasses looked up from today’s morning paper, and a bright warm smile instantly lit up his face, bringing out his wrinkles and a pleasant elderly glow about him. “Well hello there, Eren! I just sent Armin off to buy groceries for me not long after you showed up. Oh, who’s this you brought here with you? A friend?”

“Uh, hey. I’m Levi,” I casually introduced myself, nodding slightly in embarrassment.

“Oh, no need to be shy. Come on in, make yourselves comfortable! And if you need anything let me know.”

“Thanks Mr. Arlert! Okay, now where shall we start?” Eren looked up at me with an intensity in those deep turquoise eyes of his that I wasn’t ready for, and I could practically almost feel waves of excitement emitting through every square inch of his body. Something about his expression had caused a peculiar tightness in my chest, a strange pathological symptom that left me breathless and slightly lightheaded. I shook the feeling off and pushed past him and strode over to the punk rock section, picking up CDs and vinyls that caught my attention.

“Ooh, who’s Blink-182?”

“Only one of the greatest bands to exist,” I snorted in contempt. “Hey, Mr. Arlert, do you have a Walkman we could borrow?”

“Of course…here you go. Now don’t turn the volume up too high or you’ll damage your ears, boys.”

“Got it. Thanks!” Eren chirped up as if he was a 5-year-old kindergartener. I laughed internally. I let him put the earpieces in and played Blink-182’s latest eponymously named album for him, all the while wandering around exploring the rest of record store. About halfway through _Feeling This_ , I glanced over to see Eren nodding his head vigorously to Travis Barker’s legendary drumming, and playing the sort of air guitar that should never be attempted in public vicinities.

“Idiot,” I chuckled once I made sure no one was looking, almost doubling up in laughter in the process. Then, all at once, I began to pay more attention to Eren than to the record store itself. I found myself standing there, while the song of some alternative rock band started echoing around the store. I lost myself in its lyrics, and in Eren, almost becoming completely oblivious even to my own presence…

_Fascinating new thing_

_Don’t betray them by becoming familiar_

_I’m surprised that you’ve never been told before_

_That you’re lovely and you’re perfect_

_And that somebody wants you_ …

At that moment I felt my heart pound with a momentum that it had never endured before, my breathing got quicker, and I was so dizzy that I thought that I would pass out for sure. I took one more look at Eren and only two words crossed my mind. _Oh. FUCK._ Completely disoriented emotionally, and desperately trying to fixate my facial muscles into the stone cold mask that I always wore, I tore my eyes away from Eren, and made my way to the counter. “Mr. Arlert, would you mind telling Eren that I’m feeling really shi-, I mean unwell right now and that I really need to go home? He’s too distracted to pay me any attention and I really gotta bolt. Thanks!” I shouted on the way out, sprinting into the downpour as fast as I could possibly go in order to get back home.

By the time I reached my entrance, I was soaked right through my skin and my clothes dripped small little puddles that pooled around my ruined sneakers. I ran my fingers through my hair to comb it back and to get some of the water out, too transfixed to even get myself to quietly crawl up to my room. I simply just sat on my haunches with my hands on my head, rocking my self back and forth with my eyes tightly shut.

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit, am I…GAY?! For Eren of all people? Why do I keep looking at him, and why do I feel so embarrassed when I continuously look at him like that? No. I don’t. I can’t be. I  probably just feel embarrassed because he acts like a fucking idiot all the time. I like ass and titties, both of which that shitty little brat doesn’t have. It can’t be. This is a mistake. I'm probably hallucinating right now._

“I don’t like Eren Jaeger. I do not like Eren Jaeger. There is no way in hell that I like Eren Jaeger,” I declared out loud, as if it was some pathetic mantra that I had just thought up on the spot.

* * *

“Where’d you head off to all of a sudden yesterday? You feeling better now?”

He was standing by my desk, looking down at me quizzically.

“Just being around you makes me sick, asshole,” I retorted, and put my head back down on my desk.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny. Anyways, I got Mikasa to agree to leave the house free for us for about 2 hours per school day. Do you want to start coming over today?”

“What did you have to bribe her with? Oh wait don’t tell me. You sold your soul to her.”

This earned me a somewhat decent punch that landed on my right arm. “Don’t talk about her like that. As annoyingly overbearing as she is, she’s still my sister.”

“I’ll come over. Just shut your trap.”

“Oh. And…thanks for leaving me your umbrella yesterday. I brought it back with me in case you needed it...”

“Just keep the damn umbrella, I don't need it anymore.”

After the events of last night, I couldn’t help but be ridiculously hyperaware of Eren’s presence. If I wasn’t directly looking at him, I would somehow be able to pick him out from my peripheral vision. Being in class was just about the worst because I could almost feel him staring at me. If only that kid learned to not look at me with those bug-eyes of his, then none of this would have ever happened. Those fucking eyes were what caused me to feel sick around him. They’re the Achilles’ heel of my sanity, and just about Eren’s only redeeming quality. And I hated him for it. Sitting in front of him during class was torture on a whole different level. It made me seem almost masochistic in a sense because not only was it excruciatingly painful for my psyche, but almost _enjoyable_ because I knew deep down inside that I liked being around Eren, much as I hated to admit it. Even if I pulled off acting my normal, abrasive self in front of Eren and everyone else, I knew deep down in the cracks and crevices of my mind that each little encounter with Eren was stirring up strange emotions that I never once thought that I could perceive. Spending more time at Eren’s house wasn’t helping either. Sure, I’d easily be distracted with this whole “good student” persona I was attempting to achieve, but these ridiculous feelings were almost boiling up inside of me, threatening to overflow and erupt at any given moment despite how desperately I was struggling to keep my cool. Fortunately, Eren was just as stupid and oblivious as he always was.

I started noticing even the most insignificant things about him, paying him the sort of attention that I had never believed I would have given anyone else, like the slightest dimples that make themselves known when he grins cheerfully, or how he bites the base of his thumb when reading an extract in intense concentration (which is probably the most unhygienic habit I had ever witnessed in my 21 years of existing). Despite his endless list of flaws and annoying quirks, those iridescent blue-green eyes of his were always the last thing I thought of before I drifted off at night. I was silently grateful for the distraction that Reiner, Cockstein and Connie provided me during school, though. It was probably the only activity I was doing that was preserving my last ounce of sanity.

 _But wasn’t I doing this for the bet? Didn’t I hate honor students with a raw passion that was even inexplicable to myself? What made Eren so special_ , I thought as I glanced up from my book to stare at him from across his living room.

“Quit biting your hand. What, do you love bacteria so much that you’d chew them off your skin?”

He sighed in annoyance. “What’s it to you what I do with my hands?”

“Pneumococcus, Staphylococcus, Streptococcus and various other assorted coccuses that might render not only you, but _me_ sick as well. Be more considerate and at least wash the shitstains from your hands before putting it in your mouth, brat.”

“It’s cocc _i_ by the way, smartass.”

“Toh-may-toe, toh-mah-toe, asshole.”

He laughed this time, and I couldn't help feel a warm, fuzzy glow erupt in the center of my chest. I thumped my sternum and pretended to cough to get rid of the strange sensation.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up will you, we only have the weekend before midterms.”

I quickly glanced at him before returning my attention to the history textbook sitting on my lap, and caught him unsuccessfully hiding a smile behind a stack of notes he held in front of his face. How I was going to put even a sentence of information into my brain after that sight was beyond reasoning. I sat there in mock concentration, staring at the pages while the words swam across my field of vision and thoughts clouded my mind, slowly blurring together as I felt myself gradually slipping from consciousness.

The next thing I knew, Eren’s face was just inches away from mine, and I felt a sharp nudge on my right shoulder. I nearly had a fucking heart attack. “What the fuck are you doing, idiot?”

“Ah, sorry. I couldn’t decide whether or not I should wake you or let you sleep. I mean you looked so peaceful…”

“Mesmerized by my killer good looks, eh? Just wake me up next time, and stop looking at me like I just stepped out of _The Ring_. You know, it’s rude to stare, shitface.”

“Alright, gosh. You don’t have to be such a dick about these things. I don’t know what to do under these circumstances! But I’ve noticed…that you’ve particularly been on edge with me ever since we went to the music store. Do you really hate me that much?”

“What are you, high? Sometimes, I seriously believe that you’ve been dropped on your head as a baby. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t punch you in the throat and prevent you from ever talking again. Of course I don’t hate you, fucktard, why else would I be _in your house_?”

“Then why are you so jumpy around me?”

I pursed my lips and chose to look up at the ceiling instead. “It’s 3 days until midterms, that’s why. For someone who consistently scores in the 90th percentile, you honestly have nothing going on up there.” I flicked his forehead lightly.

“Hey…” Eren yelped, and grabbed the end of the textbook that was still lying on my lap. He was so close to me that I could feel his breath on the side of my cheek. I instantly tensed up, willing him to go away so that I could steady my pulse.

“What.”

“Why don’t we go through history together? I’m struggling with it a little bit too.”

“Fine. Just stop breathing your germs all over my face.”

We ended up sitting on the couch next to each other reading extracts to each other, and asking each other questions that were supposed to help us with memorizing facts. But all I could think of was how I never really knew what it meant to be happy, but that particular moment was probably the closest I had ever been to it. It made me feel genuinely invincible, to the point where even midterms couldn’t possibly shrink my conscience back down to negativity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what about the bet? Well that's going to be settled in ch 6.  
> As usual, I'd like to thank you all SO much for the support. I never expected anyone to like this series really, so I just kind of gave up halfway. BUT I am determined to finish this soon for my sake, and all of yours :) I will write when I have time, which is not that much, but I'll try. I was actually supposed to publish both ch 5 and 6 together but holy shit ch 6 is taking a lot longer than I expected it to. Oh and yeah disclaimer: my writing may just get progressively shittier btw.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a playlist for anyone who's interested in the songs that I mention in this fic, and I also added a few other things I thought was relevant for these two losers: 8tracks.com/rivaillevi/for-what-it-s-worth-fanmix.  
> And cue the drumroll...we have a winner! Midterms are now over and guess who wins the bet? From this point onwards, things start to spiral out of control and their relationship starts to get even more complicated than it was before. Spoiler alert: somebody cries.

I grimaced as I felt the fat hind of some jerk-off push into my shoulder, causing me to lose my center of gravity and wobble to one side.

“Asswipe,” I snarled, to which Lardo put his hands up in mock surrender.

All around me was a forest of adolescent shitheads towering over me, craning their necks to catch a glimpse of their rank according to the midterm results. Cockstein was muffling an unattractive snort, and Connie was ruffling up my hair like I was some idiotic pre-school kid at the main attraction of a zoo.

“Want me to hold up wittle Wevi so he can see over the top of the heads of these big, bad taller people,” Connie crooned, mocking the annoying voice of a doting parent. I replied by punching him square in the chest.

“Shut the fuck up and don’t fucking touch me with those unkempt hands of yours.” Somehow managing to shake off my acquaintances, who were too busy howling with laughter to pay me any attention, I aggressively pushed past the hoard of people in front of me to get to the front of the crowd, bracing myself for the worst. 10th place. Exactly 8 places behind Eren.

“Better luck next time. I warned you that you had no chance in hell,” he sighed contentedly, giving some half-assed reassuring pat on my shoulder. I merely threw him the filthiest scowl I could possibly muster and flipped him the bird over my shoulder before storming off in case he said something entirely idiotic like ‘Knowledge is power, grades aren’t everything’ and piss me off any further. I silently thanked whatever deity may or may not exist for the fact that I was done with school for the day, and decided to wander around town for a while to try and ease off the rage that spread throughout me like wildfire. I wandered aimlessly around for a while, kicking a rock in front of me for lack of anything better to do, and found my legs carrying me straight to the doorstep of a local barber’s. Despite the badass, rule-breaking image I set up for myself, I always stayed true to my word. I never broke a promise unless I had a legitimate reason to, and this time I didn’t.

“Just shave the bottom half of my hair off,” I instructed the barber. He came back moments later with what appeared to be clippers and I immediately felt a surge of regret wash through me. Pieces of hair started falling to my sides like some sort of twisted alternative to confetti, and I had to channel all of my energy into keeping myself in the seat instead of running the hell out of there to prevent any further damage being done.

“Alright, it’s finished,” the barber finally said. “I figured that just shaving the bottom half clean and not trimming it would look really weird, so I gave you something similar to an undercut instead. It’s not a popular style at all though, but I did my best to make it work…”

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine. As long as I don’t leave people running shit-scared for the hills, I don’t really care.”

It was strange seeing my transformation in the mirror, though. The raggedy long hair that once fell over my eyes and down the length of my neck had been cut clean into a half-shaven bowl cut, curtained into a mid-part. Surprisingly, it suited me extremely well and I couldn’t help examining my ‘do from all different angles.

“And if you really don’t like the middle-part,” the irritatingly talkative barber went on, “you could gel it out in the front.” He lathered up a greasy paste into my hair and taught me how to rearrange different pieces in the right places. I didn’t even care that he was making me look like a complete tool. I blindly nodded, not really paying attention, and instead imagined every possible reaction that Eren could have when he saw me first thing tomorrow morning.

* * *

Walking into the classroom late the next day rewarded me with full-blown attention, giggles and whispers from all 23 members of my audience, as well as an open-mouthed gape of horror, courtesy of none other than Eren himself.

“Tch. You idiots might as well roll out the bloody red carpet. Yes I have, in fact, arrived in case anyone else needed to check to make sure,” I snapped, before stalking over to my seat.

“Yo man, what the fuck is up with that hair cut?” Reiner finally mustered up the courage to ask.

“Oh. Right, you lost the bet,” Cockstein smirked with that shit-eating grin of his that he always wore. I wanted to punch it right off.

“At least it still looks better than yours, _Horsestein_. Nothing can be worse than your Shetland pony mane. It suits you, actually, Levi! You look a lot better than you did with your previous caveman look…” Connie quickly added, being the diplomat that he always was.

“Cut the crap, Connie. Frankly, I don’t give a shit about what you think about my hair.”

I was secretly grateful that they provided me with a perfect mode of distraction from Eren, though. After seeing him gaping like a brain-dead goldfish, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to listen to his opinion of my new hair. As if it mattered anyways. Part of me hoped that he’d either carry on as normal or laugh it off, or just about anything that didn’t involve profuse guilt-ridden apologies. Unfortunately, playing basketball with Reiner and co. couldn’t last forever, much as I wished that it would. Right when the last bell rang, Eren walked up towards me in a trajectory where I couldn’t possibly avoid him, a forced smile spread across his face that made the situation ten times more awkward and uncomfortable than it should have been.

“Hey, what are doing afterschool?”

“Not hanging out with you. Bye.”

He kicked me in the shin. “Don’t be a dick. I really need to talk to you.”

“And I really need to go home and take a dump.”

“You know, your friends are right when they say you always use the bathroom as an excuse to run away from your problems.”

“I’m glad you noticed that right now, you’re my problem.”

“I don’t have to put up with your fuckery,” he snapped back at me.

“Well your face looks like a dick and nothing can be worse than putting up with that.”

And then, Eren Jaeger, that hardheaded, law-abiding, goody-two-shoes of a student did the unexpected. The force of that slap was so surprisingly strong that I felt my face turn to the opposite side, skin smarting where his hand once was. As if I needed to attract any more attention to myself. I might as well be starring in a fucking Academy Award-winning movie. I grabbed a huge chunk of his hair and yanked his head so hard that I was almost certain I could’ve easily ripped it all out. “You really have a death sentence, don’t you, you suicidal bastard.”

“Don’t make this any harder than it has to be. I don’t care if everyone’s scared of you, I’ll fight you if it’s the only way that you’ll fucking listen to me. Are you coming over or what?” he shouted.

I stared daggers at him for a few seconds, and then wordlessly pushed past a crowd of spectators to pick up my bag. He followed soon after, all the while fixing his gaze at me with an intensity so strong that I felt as though I would spontaneously combust at any given moment.

I didn’t remember the walk over to his house to be this agonizingly long. It had never occurred to me that silence could be this loud, but here it was, its vast nothingness echoing in my ears and amplifying every baseless thought that was running through my mind. I could’ve just socked Eren right then and there, but I came to the sudden realization that I simply didn’t _want_ to. Chills ran up and down my spine with every second thought that came not long after, as I came to the sinking conclusion that I actually didn’t _mind_ taking shit from Eren, and that I didn’t want to act up on and seriously injure him in the process. That one stupid kid had influenced me enough to go against everything I had ever believed in.

 _Oh what fresh hell is this,_ I thought, too consumed in my thoughts to even notice the fact that we were standing on Eren’s front porch.

“Levi. Hey, Levi. Hello?! Are you going to going to continue to ignore me?”

“What.”

“Don’t make me hit you again.”

“You wanted to talk, so now we’re talking. Are we fucking done? Can I lea-“

“What the hell did you do to your hair?” he interrupted.

“In case you were too busy looking for your glasses, I’ll spell it out for you. I. Got. A. Haircut. Are we happy now?” I answered sarcastically.

“Did you really do this because of that dumb bet? You didn’t have to go so far you know!” he was shouting now, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he was getting so excited over such a mundane topic.

“If the bet was dumb I wouldn’t have made it in the first place. Look, it’s just hair you idiot, it’ll grow back. Stop acting like I donated my fucking liver or something.”

He turned away from me, staring at the floor with a guilt-ridden expression that he loved to wear. I almost wished I had just punched him earlier in the classroom and left. “I just feel so bad. You cut your hair and it’s all my fault…”

“Just stop. The deed’s done and my hair’s pretty bitchin’ now, so can we not?”

He snorted, and tried his hardest not to laugh. “It does suit you very well…”

I deadpanned him into silence. “Wanna explain what’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” he replied, trying to keep a straight face, and ultimately failing. “I just never thought that you would go so far as to do something like this, of all things. I feel…happy I guess?”

“What, I kept my side of the bet. I shaved off half of my hair. I never specified which half so there you go.” He was almost too close for comfort now, nose just inches away from mine.

“I have to admit that it looks really good,” he murmured, and hesitatingly reached up to touch the freshly-shaven grainy spots on the back of my head. I froze, unable to push him away, or much less do anything except get lost in those bottomless turquoise orbs of his that I hated so damn much. Once I finally gained control over my bloody unresponsive nervous system, I flinched and stepped away from him, and that’s when I noticed a figure standing in front of Eren’s porch. The rain must’ve been damn loud enough to mask Mikasa’s approaching footsteps, and she gawked at us in unmistakable horror.

“What the _hell_ are you doing to Eren?” Somehow, the way she was whispering coupled with the fact that she was visibly shaking only further intensified the magnitude of her anger. I felt as if I wasn’t going to come out of this alive.

“God, Mikasa why didn’t you tell me when you were coming home?” Eren cried out defiantly, although I could still sense the fear that was flickering in his eyes.

“I’m talking to you, midget,” she roared, “Give me _one_ good reason why I shouldn’t rip you into microscopic shreds.”

“Look, I didn’t do shit, he was the one who just started touching me out of nowhere.”

“Somehow the way you say it makes me seem like a complete pervert,” Eren groaned, and covered his hands with his wrists. “Seriously Mikasa just let it go, why do you have to make it so difficult for me to make friends?”

“A’ight, since I wouldn’t want to third wheel such a happy couple, I’m leaving,” I announced, and simply walked off in the rain to ease off the massive headache their argument was causing me, ignoring Mikasa’s death threats on the way out.

It irked me to no end to still feel warmth lingering on the back of my neck with what remained of Eren’s sudden touch, and I couldn’t stop myself from imagining what it would have been like if he left his hand on there longer.

Right when I was about to turn a corner and slowly drag my feet over to wherever my limbs would take me, I heard rapid footsteps slowly gaining on me, and swiftly turned around, only to violently crash into Eren as he slipped on a wet surface and landed right on me. Having tossed the umbrella several feet away from us, we remained motionless as rain fell on and all around us, with his right knee in between my legs and his face planted straight on my chest. He hurriedly lifted his head up and started to stutter out some apology, and that’s when it hit me. Why. What in the world have I, of all people, been doing up until now, getting attached to some loser who has done nothing but cause me trouble and confuse me into sleepless nights? How could I have let him in so easily? What reason did I have to continue this so-called ‘friendship’? It didn’t matter anyways. The fact that I got so used to having someone around who genuinely wanted my company, the fact that I was habituating myself with the comfort of human contact, and the fact that I was beginning to even change _myself_ for the sake of keeping someone close by all meant the fact that one day, it would all just float away from my grasp, no matter how hard I try to hold on. Everything and everyone eventually does. For what it’s worth, relationships are all built on white lies, phony acts, and meaningless conversations, anyway. Once I got a firm hold on the reality that I had apparently lost when I was busy torturing myself concerning Eren, I was struck with the thought that there wasn’t a point in any of it anymore.

I sat up a little and pulled myself off of him, forcefully putting on the most disgusted expression I could manage, and stood up. I redirected my merciless gaze at his pathetic little figure as he sat like a little frog, crouching on the floor. I damn near almost gagged at how unsightly he was.

“Say, Eren. Let’s just stop. Whatever little game of yours that you’re playing is pointless anyways. There’s no reason for us to be associating with each other anymore.”

“What do you mean?” he replied, looking completely torn up over what I said. He didn’t have a reason to and I mentally kicked myself in the back of my brain to prevent any unnecessary feelings of guilt from surfacing. “If it’s about what Mikasa said back there, then that’s not a legitimate fucking reason to suddenly treat me like shit again.”

“Don’t tell me what’s legitimate and what’s not,” I shot back.

“ _What_ has gotten into you? You were fine a few minutes ago, and now you’re just acting like…like a little bitch again! What got your panties in a twist?”

That really did it. “Don’t you DARE think that you have any effect whatsoever on my _underwear._ And fuck you, I’m not the one who’s crawling around whining and bitching.” I silently willed him to get up off the ground as obsessive-compulsive thoughts began to cloud over my ability to think rationally.

“Then what did I have an effect on?”

“Other than my gag reflex? Nothing,” I shouted. Why couldn’t he leave things as they are? Why did persistence and determination have to be a part of his stupid personality? And why the hell was I so attached to it?

“ _You’re_ the one who said that you wanted to continue this friendship. _You’re_ the one who said that you’ve told me stuff about yourself that no one else should ever know, and _you’re_ the one who got pissed off when I suggested that we stopped. Why, Levi? Why the fuck are you so impossible, and why are you just so fucking _selfish?_ ”

“Tch. You really wanna know? Fine then, I’ll tell you. I’ve lived a life full of neglect. I learned that I’m not important enough for the world. Why? Why should I try? Why should I learn to give a fuck about anything at all, when nobody gives a fuck about me? Why can’t I be selfish? After all, I only have myself. People can come into my life as often as they want, but they’ll inevitably leave in the end. The world’s full of vermin, Eren. They’re crawling all over the place with their filthy paws, corrupting even the cleanest slate of a human being. They’ll fool you into thinking they’re not when in reality, they all turn into vermin eventually. And you. You’re one of them too, if not the biggest one of them all.”

He got up off the ground, slowly inched towards me, and lifted his head to face mine, eyes screwed up in concentration as if he was trying (but failing all the while) not to cry. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say, nor do I know what happened to you in the past. But I’m here. Right now, in this very moment, I’m _here_ , and I’m not leaving any time soon. That’s all that should matter. I’ll stand by you and we’ll fight these vermin. _Together_. I won’t leave you. I promise. So fight, Levi. Despite all that’s happened to you, there’s good in this world, and I’ll fight for you to prove it.”

Then all at once, before I even had time to register what just happened, I felt two surprisingly strong arms around me, pressing me into Eren’s rain-soaked shirt. I felt my muscles go limp and all I could really do was just stand there, internally marveling at how our bodies fit so well together, and how secure, but at the same time warm his embrace made me feel.

_But wait, wasn’t he just crawling on the sidewalk just a few moments ago…_

“Oi, get off of me. As much as I would love to be all romantic with you and shit, you were just rolling around in the dirt. Don’t touch me when you’re dirty. Or ever.”

He practically leapt two feet back. “Sorry I didn't realize…and romantic? No I didn’t mean…I just…”

“Tch. You’re beyond help. Fine. Do what you want. I don’t have the energy to keep pushing you away. But I’m warning you, you have no idea what you just got yourself into, brat.”

I picked up my umbrella and handed it over to him, refusing to look at him straight in the eye. “Now get lost before Mikasa beheads either one of us.”

* * *

Although the whole ordeal with Eren made me feel what I could only identify as happy or secure, I couldn’t help but be petrified as to what would come next. Knowing that I was harboring such unnecessarily unrequited, yet unidentifiable feelings for him, I wondered whether or not it would affect our friendship, and whether or not he would still stay true to his word if he ever found out how I felt towards him.

_But hell, even I don’t know myself,_ I thought, while turning to my left to ask Reiner for a pen and a piece of paper. We were almost immediately interrupted by Mr. Zackly, who came into the classroom earlier than his impeccable punctuality would have normally allowed. “Levi. No class for you this period, go straight to Principal Smith’s office right now.”

“Excuse me, what.”

“You heard me. The principal wants to see you.”

“But I didn't even do a damn thing,” I replied coolly.

“Levi, don’t make this harder for everyone than it already is. Just save us the trouble and go to the principal’s office.”

I stared at him with a sort of blank expression on my face as if I didn’t understand the English language, before finally getting up and kicking my chair out of my way in some form of a protest. Frankly, I couldn’t give a monkey’s ass if I had done something that was deemed ‘wrong’ in the principal’s eyes, but what I _did_ care about was actually conversing with a phony like him. It was bad enough that he had a pretentious ‘Ivy League’ look about him that made it seem like he was an accomplished, and altogether flawless human being, but the one trait that aggravated me the most was the fact that he was about 6 feet 2, and hence towered the fuck over me. As if I needed any more reminders about how I was cursed with growth-limiting genes. I’d see him in this bloody office so many times over the past two years that just standing outside the doorway left me with a bitter, yet nostalgic taste in my mouth. I pushed the door open and braced myself for the worst. He was seated in a black swivel chair as usual, hands laced together and folded over his stomach like he was trying to be all formal and proper. The funniest thing about this scene was that he was almost too big to fit in that chair, and he sort of looked analogous to that of a teenager riding a bloody tricycle. Other than that, humor was just about the last thing I had on my mind.

“Ah, Levi, come have a seat,” he said, while wiping the dust off of the plaque on his desk that read ‘Principal Erwin Smith’. Like being a principal was a huge deal or something.

I remained standing. “I didn’t do anything, may I leave?”

“Oh no, I didn’t call you in here to accuse you of doing something wrong. I just wanted to have a chat with you, that’s all.”

“Your usual definition of ‘having a chat’ would imply that there would be a lecture somewhere in this conversation.”

He laughed and shook his head in that really fake way you’d usually reserve for people you felt sorry for. I suppressed the urge to shove a towel down his throat to prevent him from making any noises ever again. “I can’t just have a simple chat with my nephew?”

“Don’t fucking call me that. I’m not related to you in any goddamn way.”

“Please don’t swear on school grounds. Well, I am related by blood to your parents. That would make us _relatives_ by default, wouldn’t it?” I got the feeling that he was deliberately trying to piss me off, and it made my blood boil that he would dare to talk about my family as if he understood everything.

“You have no right to involve yourself with my personal matters.”

The mischievous gleam in his eyes vanished and he looked at me with steadily with a straight face, as if he meant serious business now. “I honestly am glad that I set Eren up as your role model. In as little as a few months you scored among the top 10 students. I always knew you had potential. You just needed a little push, that’s all.”

“The fact that I did well has nothing to do with Eren. Cut the crap. What is it that you actually want.”

He sighed exasperatingly. “I genuinely don’t want to kick you out of this school. I’ve done everything in my power to allow you to repeat this year yet _again_ , because your parents had begged me to, and it is really crucial to have a high school degree, at the vey least, if you want to survive in this harsh society.”

 _Well, here comes the goddamn lecture that he said he wouldn’t give_ , I groaned inwardly.

“You didn’t answer me. What exactly are you trying to get at.”

“I’m trying to tell you to keep up the good work,” he chuckled, then smiled at me in that artificial good-natured way of his. It made me wonder whether or not he could make proper expressions that reflected actual human emotions, and all of a sudden I was filled with such overwhelming hate for him and the laughable size of those ugly, thick eyebrows of his. If I could write a whole goddamn novel on how ridiculous people are, I’d probably dedicate 20 chapters to Erwin Smith and his eyebrows.

“I’ll keep it up if I wanna do it, but it sure as hell ain’t gonna be for you or that piece of shit Eren,” I sneered, almost wanting to spit right in that shitty smile that was spread all over his big stupid face. When he didn’t say anything back, I realized that I had probably said something that I shouldn’t have (the only damn thing I was good at in life, unfortunately), and reluctantly looked back up at him to see a rather solemn, yet distressed expression painted all over his face. I did my best not to let him know that I was panicking inside.

“You’ve been at the house alone for the past three months, haven’t you, Levi?” he finally asked.

“Yeah. Why is that such a big deal? And how the hell do you even know in the first place?”

“Your mother called me…and told me that she and your father are both out of the state right now. She’ll be back tonight, I believe.”

“So that’s why the house was empty.” I couldn’t think or feel anything after he said that. It was as if my whole system just shut down. But wait, what sort of expression was the principal wearing? I racked my brains for a little while, ignoring everything he was saying in the process and finally came to a conclusion. Pity. I wanted to puke, run, scream, and vandalize everything all at the same time. I picked up little bits of the conversation, like how Principal Smith was saying something about how I could stay over at his place if I wanted to, but I was too absorbed in my own thoughts to give him a reply or pay him any attention.

* * *

Next thing I knew I was lying face down on a workstation at the library. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and blinked a few times to adjust my eyes to the dimly lit surroundings. It was 5pm. I pretty much slept through the whole day of class. Stretching my stiff joints out, I arched back and looked up at the ceiling. I had nowhere else to go but that shitty old mould-ridden square box of a place I was supposed to call home, but I’d even rather stay in this hellhole of a school building than be in that house. Eventually, the librarian told me to go home if I was going to sleep in there, and I had no other choice but to comply. I dragged my feet along the sidewalk as slowly as I possibly could, and looked for every opportunity for a route of escape. There wasn’t any, and I inevitably wound up right at my doorstep. It looked even more unwelcoming than it did before, what with the lights turned on inside, and silhouettes darting back and forth behind the curtains. I took a deep breath and unlocked the front door, preparing myself for my personal hell on earth.

I didn’t say anything. I never said anything when they were around. I simply walked straight up to my room and lay on my bed in the fetal position. They never acknowledged my presence anyways so what’s it to them if I said ‘hi’ or ‘goodbye’? And even if they did, they’d only be doing that to put up with this shitty ‘parenting act’ that I saw right through. It’s not like I’ve never heard the voices that they raised at each other throughout the night, the ones that sketch the storyboards of my nightmares. They knew I could hear them, but they cared for just about everything except me.

In fact, they were starting one of their bloody routine arguments as soon as I had entered my room. The walls in this run-down place were so fucking thin that you could hear a _pin_ drop in the basement. It’s cool if there are robbers and thieves, though, because they wouldn’t make it pass the hallway without me noticing, but in this particular case, sound conduction wasn’t helping me much.

“I told you about a million times to just break that stupid promise you made 20 years ago, but what do you do? You never listened to me! And now we’re stuck in a financial crisis that was even worse before we adopted that waste of space.”

“How the hell was I supposed to refuse someone who was dying in my arms, for Chrissakes? The only thing that woman cared about was that kid and I couldn’t just _leave it_.”

“I tell you, if it weren’t for you we’d be living a comfortable fucking life by now. We wouldn’t be so stressed, our marriage wouldn’t be crumbling, and we’d be travelling all over the world. That ungrateful shit is what, 21 years old- so he’s technically a fucking _adult_ \- and we’re still letting him live under our roof. Give me one good reason why I can’t kick him out of our lives for good.”

“ _Because_ Nick, that kid can’t possibly survive in this world the way he is right now. He’ll have to at least graduate bloody high school first. Yes, okay, I’ve made a stupid promise but it doesn’t mean that I can just go back on my word whenever I want to…that kid’s still a human being after all. Just wait a few more months and he’ll graduate and leave us for good…”

I eventually tuned them out, desperately wanting to cut my ears off in the process. I was already used to the way they talked about me as if I wasn’t there. I’ve heard the same goddamn conversation so many times that I could practically recite their pattern of argument. I’d gotten so used to it by now, though, that the strongest emotion I _could_ feel was absolutely nothing at all. I’d be so overwhelmed with every single feeling in the book that my mind became perpetually numb. Deep, deep down inside I knew that years of pent up anger and sorrow was slowly destroying me on the inside and festering within my mind as a mental illness. I slammed my face in my pillow and muffled a cathartic scream.

Knowing that laying there in such a toxic environment would drive me up the wall soon, I moved off the bed and wound up walking, no, running out the door. They wouldn’t have noticed if I left. They never knew anything about me in the first place. Having nowhere to go and feeling completely lost and empty inside, I started walking towards the park to see if that bench I always sat on was free for me to occupy for the rest of the night. Fortunately it wasn’t raining at that moment, but that seemed to be the only thing that was going well for me. The park was more miserable than I thought it would be that night. I guess I was so busy trying to construct a sanctuary for myself in this rotten town that I completely overlooked the pessimistic details that I was finally seeing for the first time. The floor was littered with cigarette butts or burnt out weed joints, and the place was crawling full of people like me with nowhere to go, begging for chemical substances with which they could snort their sorrows away. As I sat there, getting more depressed by the second, I thought about how much I liked this crumby park when I was with Eren. I remembered how those eyes of his reflected light like they were the perfect combination of sapphires and emeralds, how even the sunlight peaked through those trees and tried to decipher whether or not they were more blue or more green, but most of all, I thought about how they brought _life_ into this park. I decided not to stick around the park anymore. The more I sat there, the more my mood dampened down. The more my mood dampened down, the more I thought about Eren. The more I thought about Eren, the more I sat there, wishing he was beside me. I finally got my ass up off that bench in case I continued to spiral downhill into that vicious cycle of depression.

I must’ve walked 20 blocks by the time I left the park. All around me houses and buildings started to blur together and look the same, and before I knew it, I had stopped right outside one of them. It took me a good 5 minutes to figure it out it was none other than Eren’s house, and before I could stop myself, I had already rung the bell.

He opened the door, and looked terrified that it was me at the door, and not just some pizza delivery guy.

“Normally in these situations, you would say ‘hello, please come in’, screwboy,” I snapped.

“B-but why are you here at this hour? Did something happen? What’s up?”

“I just wanted to know if you have time to learn about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,” I replied sarcastically, “why do you think I’m here? What, do I need to give a two-day notice to see my goddamn friend?” He was starting to tick me off with how unwelcome I was feeling at his front porch. I didn’t need him, of all people, to shut the door in my face and turn me away.

“No, I was just…pleasantly surprised I guess? And I’m also scared that Mikasa might come down any second. But you look like you’re in pretty bad shape. What happened?” he asked again, albeit gently this time.

“I just…really need to talk to you right now.” If it’s Eren, it should be fine. If it’s Eren, he’ll understand. He was the last person I could rely on. He was the only one left who actually cared.

“Come on in, I’ll make you some tea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you are confused, everything will make more sense as the series progresses (shitty way of me saying: stay posted for ongoing chapters). O and feel free to contact me at rivaillepls.tumblr.com.
> 
> note: hi guys, author here. i'm currently on an exam hiatus, so i'm afraid i won't be publishing ch 7 out until mid to end of may. although i would love to entertain you with more of this story, i'm afraid my studies do actually come first. don't worry i won't be dropping this series, and i promise that there will be lots more to come during summer. thank you for understanding, and as usual, thanks for all of your support, i really appreciate it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *drumroll* and here comes the angst. These dumb lil shits.
> 
> (Hi sorry for posting this one million years later but I didn't like this chapter at all and wasn't sure if I wanted to post it or even continue this fic. If enough of you want me to, pls let me know (tbh I'm just going through some shit rn and writing helps me so hence I decided to continue this lol) I also left my anime blog, if you would like to contact me please head on over to megutron.tumblr.com! I'm not sure if I will be continuing this fic, but thank you so much for the support that it got thus far.)

I was seated comfortably on the sandy-beige fabric of Eren’s couch, steam swirling into my face as I peered over the rim of the mug of Earl Grey that he had offered me earlier. The fragrance of the tea and the familiarity of my surroundings had calmed me down a lot to some effect, and I couldn’t help wonder if that’s what it was like to call a place your home and _feel_ like you were meant to be there, like you belonged. Then again, the herbal fragrance of the tea might make even a homeless person on the streets feel all warm and cozy. As far as I was concerned, I was practically homeless at that time anyways.

“Well?” He cocked his head to one side curiously, as if expecting me to start talking immediately.

I opened my mouth and a sort of raspy sound came out before I cleared my throat and tried again. There were just so many things I needed to get off my chest, and I expected a stream of verbal diarrhea to just erupt from my throat but in the end, nothing did. I furrowed my brows and tried again, but I knew that there was so much for me to say to the point where I didn’t exactly know where to start. I didn’t know how to express myself and I swore under my breath, frustrated at how inarticulate I was.

“Some…shit happened back home, so I ran the fuck out.”

“What exactly happened?”

I let out a manic, humorless laugh. It must have scared the absolute crap out of Eren because I probably wasn’t smiling, yet dark, angry laughter was erupting from my vocal chords. Funny isn’t it? When how everything goes wrong you don’t know how to react but to laugh bitterly at how dysfunctional this world is.

“What happened? More like what _didn’t_ happen. They could’ve just left me to die all those years ago, yet here I still am. Whoever’s responsible for all this shit is just punishing me for being alive. I shouldn’t be here.”

“What do you mean? Who’s ‘they’?”

I simply glared back at him in response. All of a sudden I was wrought with uncontrollable and inexplicable anger. It was almost as if the lock to the inner workings of my brain had suddenly sprung, and a tirade of pent up emotions over the years came flooding out. But what was happening? Weren’t they supposed to be locked up for a reason?

“Why should you care? Why the fuck do you want to know anyways? To exploit my weaknesses?” I was hysterical, angry mostly at myself for waving my weak point right in Eren’s face as if it was a bright red target he could easily shoot down at any given moment in time.

“Levi,” he started cautiously.

Fuck him. Fuck him, and that gentle, understanding voice that he was using. How dare he. How dare he use a tone of voice that I have longed to hear from the people who I was supposed to call my family, the people who really _should_ care?

“I only want to understand so I can help you,” he continued.

Any normal human being with a rational train of thought would’ve run for the hills by now, but Eren was sitting with me right then and there and really willing to properly _listen_ to me.

I felt myself go limp and helpless from expending so much energy on trying to fight a battle I couldn’t win. I knew Eren wouldn’t give me a way out of this so there wasn’t any use in trying to push him away. He was in too deep. I didn’t know what the hell he was thinking but I felt somewhat appreciative of how screwed up he was for wanting to stick by me. It struck a chord within my heart as to how _real_ his voice sounded like, and not glossed over like some cheap fresh lacquer that those construction jerks use to make dry, old wood look new again. He didn’t sound like he was faking concern. I felt like there was a tight, transparent balloon tied around my head, encasing me within my psyche, and with each new thought, it would continue to inflate up until I reach breaking point. It was almost as if Eren just came over, took a sharp pencil, and popped that balloon. Words started pouring out of my mouth and for a while, I couldn’t make them stop. It didn’t matter if he didn’t understand. Sometimes, if someone at least listens to you, that’s all you really need, because ultimately it made me feel as though someone cared enough to stick around.

“It didn’t just start today. It’s always been like this as far as I could remember.” I paused, and frowned briefly, rubbing the crease formed by my furrowed brows in brief frustration. I sighed deeply and tried again. “I…my…that is to say…my…parents…I guess. They’re not really my folks. I was adopted. My birth mother apparently OD’ed on whatever drug she was on and died. She was half dead or something by the time she got to their doorstep and there was no chance in hell that she would ever make it, so she begged them to take me. Just like that. As if I was a fucking object who had no say in anything. They were apparently good friends or something, I don't know. Not important.

“So anyways, they couldn’t refuse even if they wanted to because she was their _friend_ for Chrissakes, yeah? And…well…yeah. It was bad enough that I had a mom who cared about getting her hands on whatever drug she could get than caring about her own fucking _son_ , but to have to go through life under their roof was by far worse in comparison.

“It’s one thing to be adopted. It’s an entirely different thing to be constantly treated like a goddamn freeloader who didn’t belong. To them, I’m a waste of fucking space. And hell, it was fucking _scary_ that I was just stuck in some strangers’ house to begin with. They don’t know shit about me; they just simply didn’t want or bother to. In fact, hell if I know if they realize I’m not even in the house right now. I’d rather they had just left me on the streets. I didn’t ask for any of this shit. Anything’s better than this. And my birth mom? Fuck her. Acting like she actually gave a shit at the very end when she was about to die. I hate them all. I hate everyone around me who pretends to care, when in reality no one does and no one _should_. Everyone makes it seem as if the world would’ve been better if I wasn’t around. And it’s funny how everyone comments on the fact that I’m an egotistical jerk who only cares about myself but if I don’t learn to, who the fuck else will? I don’t give a shit about people, and people don’t give a shit about me. That’s how things have always been. People don’t know where I am or where the fuck I’m going simply because there. Is. No. Body.”

I was surprise at how nonchalant and flat my voice sounded. It was like reciting someone else’s biography. My voice didn’t even sound like it was _mine_ ; it was so harsh and guttural, like someone took wet sandpaper and rubbed it against a chalkboard. I felt so disconnected to my present for a moment there that I momentarily forgot about my surroundings, until Eren’s words sliced through the heavy atmosphere around me. I almost wanted to punch him for rudely interrupting the few opportunities I have at wallowing in my own misery.

“But I care, and I’m glad that you’re here right now.”

I stared at him in utter disbelief. “How dare you? What gives you the right to suddenly just appear and be so goddamn nice to me? I treat people like shit exactly for the reason so that they don’t get involved with me because shit just follows me wherever I go like I’m under a fucking black cloud. What makes you think that I’m going to believe you?”

“Because, you need to take a chance. I know that there’s a whole load of shit in this world, but life is meaningless if you continue to see the worst in everything. You’ll never know what true happiness is unless you go out there and find it for yourself.”

“Happiness doesn’t exist, Eren,” I snarled, a venomous edge slipping in my tone, “not for people like me. Even if I found it, it would be taken away from me, like everything else was. Besides, I’m not used to it. It makes me uncomfortable, the thought of me being happy. It’s just not natural.”

“But why can’t you just…try?”

“Okay, fine. You think you know everything don’t you? Think of it this way. How would _you_ feel, living in an environment where you’re not welcome anywhere? Where you try to just mind your own shit and do your own damn thing and literally everyone shoots you down every time you try and pick yourself back up again? How would you feel if you didn’t have the option of leaving and was stuck in this shitstain of a town without any fucking escape? How suffocating do you think it would be for you? Would you find hope while you’re all walled up in this hellhole? You wouldn’t ever hope to understand because you’re _smart_. You can get a one-way ticket out of here anytime you damn well please. Unlike me, you _have_ a future.

I’d gripped the coffee mug so hard that my knuckles had apparently turned white.

“I’ve felt so much that I’d become numb from just about everything. I’ve felt so little that I was almost willing to give just about anything to feel _something_ again, so much to the point where I’ve gotten into fights with complete strangers in the park for no good reason except to feel pain, because that’s all my brain can process. I got too good at fighting as a result, and I got tired of it. I started stealing just to see if I could get away with it. Swapped fists for blades in street fights. The more battered up I got, the more exhilarating it became. The more cuts I got, the closer to death I got, the more at peace I felt with myself. You know what would make me happy? If I just spontaneously dropped dead. I’ve considered suicide so many times that thinking about it became second nature to me. But the worst part is that I’m too fucking scared to do it.” My eyes were stinging something awful since I kept staring at that one faded patch on the living room carpet, concentrating on it to the point where I even forgot to blink. I didn’t dare myself to look at anything else.

“Maybe because somewhere, deep down inside, you believe that there’s hope still out there.” Eren’s voice always manages to snap me back to reality, though, but this time there was something off about it. It came out as more of a croak than anything, and when I looked up at him, fresh tears had glazed his face and my gaze lingered on this horrifying gelatinous goop that was running down his nose. I briefly looked away because the snotty brat was almost too embarrassing to even look at, and when I reluctantly turned to look back at him, I found my vision swimming in a sea of emerald green that momentarily blinded me. It was bad enough that our noses were almost touching, but the simple thought of his snot coming anywhere near me made me want to spray disinfectant all over his face. A twinge of annoyance itched at the back of my mind.

“Eren. Why are you crying?”

“No I’m not, shut up. I’m sweating through my eyes.”

“Do you seriously think you’re making sense right now. Yes you are, you know you’re probably the worst liar to ever exist.”

“It’s just…it’s just not fucking _fair_.”

“You only just realized this? Life isn’t fair, Eren. That’s just the way it is.”

“No, I mean, after all this time all you needed was someone who cared and I just wish I could’ve met you earlier.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered if I met anyone earlier, anyways. Hell, it doesn’t even matter whether or not I’ve met people _years_ ago. Don’t you get it? Never mind, don’t answer; I wouldn’t expect a brat like you to understand. How could you seriously believe that the people around you right now will still be there for you tomorrow? What makes you believe that they won’t just disappear overnight and forget all about you? Do you think you could just leave that all behind and ‘move on’ as if you were some 3 year old with the attention span of a goddamn goldfish? Everything is temporary. Everyone leaves, but the wounds they leave behind sure as hell don’t.”

“I don’t know that for sure,” he managed to utter between sobs, “but all I know is that what’s happening right now is what’s most important. You have the power to change all of that right now. That’s why it’s called the present. It’s a gift.”

“That is literally the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say. It’s almost as stupid as how you look right now.”

“What are you so afraid of?!” his voice was raising into an earsplitting crescendo, and I felt inclined to fight fire with fire.

“Aren’t you supposed to be _listening_ instead of fucking screaming at me? I’m the one who feels like crap, what gives you the right to think you know what I’m feeling, and on top of that start _crying_ about it for fuck’s sake?!”

“Levi, I’m your _friend_. I’m supposed to not only listen, but also empathize, not to mention offer advice, because I’m here to _help_. But you won’t let me, and of course I’d feel fucking useless and powerless because _I can’t do anything_. And I _care_ about you a lot, that’s why I’m sitting here, daring to look pathetic as hell in front of you because I _like_ you goddammit!”

The sudden impact of his words left me momentarily breathless and I struggled to maintain my composure, closing my mouth in what I realized was a dumbfounded gawk. Eren took this moment of silence as an opportunity to turn a brilliant tomato-red as he sniffed loudly and stared at the open palms on his lap.

“Ugh at least blow your nose. What, were you raised in a barn?” I grimaced, almost gagging at the thought of him wiping his nose and spreading his filthy germy hands everywhere.

He scrambled off the couch immediately at that comment, fumbling around us to look for a facial tissue, and I savored that second to calm the pulse that was rabbiting in my throat.

 _What the fuck did he mean that he likes me, is this some kind of sick joke? He probably means that he just likes me as a friend right, there’s no way that he likes me the way I like…am I actually admitting to myself that I like him_ that _way?!_

The more times I tried to think it through, the more my conscience wound up taking me around and around in a confusing whirlwind of baseless conclusions.

“Hello? Earth to Levi?”

“Huh? Oh.”

“So? What do you have to say?”

“To what?”

“To…what I just told you back there?”

“That I’m supposed to let you feel sorry for me?”

He blushed and looked away, scratching his messy mop of brown hair uncertainly.

“No, no…the…last bit.”

“What? That you can’t help or…”

“No! I told you that I…l-like you,” he blurted out again and sighed, voice muffled by a small artificial shield he made with his hands that he used to hide his face with.

“Oh. Uh, I like you too? What the fuck?”

“What? That’s all you have to say?!”

“What are you, high? Of course I like you, otherwise we wouldn't be friends, dipshit.”

“Ugh, that’s not what I meant!” Feeling rather concerned, I hesitatingly tried to pry his hands off of his face so that I could at least glean what sort of expression he was making. But hey, it _was_ curiosity that killed the cat. The way he looked at me at that very moment conveyed everything that he had wanted to say to me, more than words possibly could and we relished those few seconds in eye-widened wonder. Feeling suddenly embarrassed, I pulled my eyes away and coughed awkwardly. Because this time I _knew_ that he felt it too.

“Sorry,” Eren started after what seemed like a goddamn eternity, “That was selfish of me…I mean, I didn’t mean to…it just suddenly came out…ah fuck, I’m such a piece of shit…”

“Don’t be.”

“No…we should just forget the whole thing I mean, I wasn’t thinking and…”

I sighed. The doubt that had itched deep within my thoughts had surfaced, and I thought for certain that Eren was harboring these superficial feelings only because of his supposed ‘sympathy’ for me. I didn’t know whether or not this little stunt of his was just his twisted way of trying to make me feel accepted in some way or another, so I dished it all out as it was. “Eren, don’t you know that when you make a bloody mark on a completely clean white sheet of paper? And you go ahead and think oh well, whatever I made a mistake but it’s in pencil. So you erase it, thinking that everything’s all good. But when you look closely, you can still see what’s left of the mark. The eraser can’t get rid of everything. It’s still there, its ghost is still haunting you as you try to scrawl over it and mask it. Don’t for a second think that you can go around erasing the big mess of a mark that is, essentially, my life. Stop trying to turn things around and insist that you feel… _that_ way about me because you feel sorry for me. I don’t want your half-assed sympathy.”

He looked at me sadly with these stupid bright green puppy eyes. “Levi, if you’re doubting me in any way, you need to let go of all the grudges you held against everyone in your life and just take a chance on me. And I think I understand now. Being a bitter, angry asshole is what you identify as. That’s what you think makes you unique. But I think that there’s more to you than that, and the fact that you’ve been around me probably made you realize that. Because slowly, and surely you’re changing and that was what made you scared. You’re so afraid of changing that you’re scared that you’ll lose the one thing you believe that makes you special”

“I’m not scared you little shit. And so what if I was? Do you think my life would change magically because I suddenly decide to become someone or something I _know_ I’m not?”

“Yes. It would. I know that you’re better than that. Because being miserable doesn’t make you better than anybody else, Levi.”

And all at once, before I could just so much as to even respond, much less utter some sort of smartass retort, Eren had enveloped me in a cocoon made of his arms. I was instantly shocked into some sort of temporary paralysis, and when I regained control over my nervous system, my arms were slowly lifting up hug him back and I silently marveled at how our bodies fit so snugly together, how the chaos brewing in my mind from the multitude of events that had been hurled at me one after another had miraculously settled down, how my skin practically itched like an electric jolt upon the sudden physical contact. He pulled away from me just as abruptly as he had hugged me.

“Levi, are you okay?” He spoke so softly that it shot tingles down my spine.

“Why are you asking me this.”

“You’re…crying…?”

“I most certainly am not.”

“Then why are there tears running down your cheeks?”

“Maybe it’s ‘cause you smell so bad you made my eyes water.” All lies, really, he smelled so good that I was scared I might inhale him down into my lungs if I breathed in his scent long enough.

He looked at me for what seemed to be an eternity before slowly reaching up to brush away some of the tears that were running down my face. I grimaced and looked away from him for lack of any other ideas of how to act during these awkward moments.

“It’s alright. Just let it all out.” Eren said, hands still lingering on my face and brushing the moist streaks on my face. I closed my eyes and allowed my tear ducts to spill out salty drizzles down my cheeks, ones that I had kept inside all these years. Eren did it. He taught me the one thing in life I longed for the most; he taught me how to _feel_ again. It wasn’t like me to.

“Hey, hey. Look at me.”

I reluctantly cracked my eyes open through the blurry haze of tears and saw Eren’s outline moving in closer towards me, kissing away droplets that fell from my eyes. His hands moved towards the freshly cut grainy spots on the back of my head, and I felt myself lurch forward and bump nose first into Eren’s face. We sat there, nose bumping nose, eyes locked into each other’s as a Lifehouse song started playing in the background from the radio Eren forgot to switch off. As soon as Jason Wade (conveniently) started singing ‘I can’t take my eyes off of you’, he craned his neck forward and closed his eyes as I felt his lips crush into mine. He tasted like melted chocolate; warm and soft, yet sweet at the same time from the amount of sugar he shoveled into his tea. Captivated by how surreal everything seemed at that moment, I closed my eyes pressed my mouth further into his and started kissing him with renewed vigor, lips tugging at his, tongue flicking across his bottom lip to coax his mouth open. Everything happened so quickly that I suddenly felt fear stab through my chest; fear of doing what I do best and screwing everything up, fear of scaring Eren off, fear of getting way too emotionally invested to the point where I’ll wind up back to where I started: alone. I pulled away from him a little too suddenly and traced the lines on the palm of my hand to distract myself.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see that he had casted his eyes downwards in blatant disappointment, and I let out a frustrated, breathy sigh for lack of a better word. When I did speak though, I was shocked at how steady my voice sounded.

“Let’s…just forget everything. I don’t have time to think about this right now, Eren, I don’t even know what the fuck happened back there, and all I need right now is a…good _friend_.” I stressed the word ‘friend’ so that he would get the hint. I had forgotten how dense this shitty brat was.

“Yeah. And I told you that I’m here for you, didn’t I?” he answered almost immediately and extended his right hand over to cover mine.

“Right,” I said, and decided that it was best to drop the topic entirely.

“So…why did you continue to go to school even if you didn’t have to and no one forced you to go?” Eren murmured after a while.

I bristled, feeling a stab of annoyance at how he could bring any topic of conversation back to academics. “Oh. That was Smith’s doing.”

“Smith? You mean Principal Smith?”

“No, the Smith who lives right down the road. Well shit, son, how many Smiths do you know?”

“Fair point. What did he have to do to make you go to school? You don’t listen to anybody right?”

“Smith is…an irritatingly persuasive son of a bitch.”

“Wow. So I guess that’s what it takes to force you into submission.”

I glared at him. “No. Wait what the fuck were you thinking? I’m not easily persuaded. Especially by you. Smith’s different. He’s the brother of my adoptive ‘mother’. So he decides to go and call me his nephew like the arrogant prick he is.”

“Then…you do actually have someone who cares? You just refuse to acknowledge it.”

“What the fuck do you know? I only just told you all of this, don’t fuck with me. No, he was the one who let me stay at that damn school and is helping that bitch kick me out of the house by having me graduate high school.”

“I’m sorry, Levi. Maybe I asked a little too…it’s just that…I want you to be happy. I’m willing to help you find that happiness if you let me.”

I sighed. There was no point in arguing with someone who was so damn stubborn to the point a donkey would probably be more likely to give in.

We sat there in uncomfortable silence, Eren not knowing what else to say since I was a ticking time bomb full of unprecedented reactions, and me not knowing how to handle situations like this. But after what seemed like an eternity, Eren did what he did best and started running his damn mouth again. I secretly thanked him for it.                           

“Do you wanna…stay over for tonight? I mean since you don’t really have anywhere else to go…” he started.

I blanched. “Mikasa will guillotine the both of us and put our heads on stakes.”

“I know…but where else can you go?”

“Ah fuck, I’ll work something out. Maybe in the trash, where I belong.”

“Shut up, if you’re trash then I’ll be your trash can.”

“That was literally so cheesy, I think I just threw up in my mouth”

“You’re still staying.”

Eren struck up a light inside of me, one that glowed and started spreading and encompassing the darkness I knew all to well. I knew I couldn’t put it out no matter how hard I tried so I let it vanquish my inner demons, let the warmth encompass me and nurse me into what I could only define as inner peace. I thought of that damn quote from that thick-ass Russian novel we’ve been reading for months in English class: “We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.” And I realized after all this time how much Eren meant to me, from the first time that he stepped into that classroom.

“Guess I will, you shitty brat.” I liked the way those words slipped out of my mouth, like it was some secret pet name I had reserved just for him. He responded by collapsing into my shoulder into what seemed to be a pleasant dream, and I reciprocated by leaning against him and falling into probably the first proper sleep I had in a while.


End file.
